“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

The paper written today should be discussed by both of you so that those ideas are brought completely into the open where he can consciously and intellectually examine them. Your emotions follow your beliefs. For many reasons then he was convinced that his course was correct. His methods began to alarm him, but even when they did, and he realized that he was making a bargain of a sort, he still believed in the premise that made a bargain necessary.

Give us a moment.... He had, as you mentioned, the inner knowledge of his own abilities that had, he felt, to be used. After his first marriage he determined, with the help of your love, to find a suitable framework. His natural abilities are unconventionally tuned, highly spontaneous, working through intuitive loops; in a certain way, now, from a normally conscious viewpoint, unpredictable.

His writing seemed dependent upon the curtailment of activities of other kinds. Give us a moment.... When the system was set up, for many reasons having to do with relative youth and lack of experience, he did not have any confidence in his conscious ability to say no, to hold to a “line of attack.” He was afraid he would be swept willy-nilly. He was also afraid, particularly when he tried teaching, that he might be led to give up and settle for another occupation that would bring automatic respectability, money, and some prestige.

Give me a moment. I want to organize this so it makes sense to you... For other reasons, the fear of pregnancy for example, physical spontaneity was also suspect, and here again you were involved. Not that you consciously approved the methods used, but he had his situation and yours always in mind, and was convinced he was acting for both of your interest.

You made love when it was safe to do so. Now this involved tricks on both of your parts, to which you both agreed. The conscious material was there. You simply ignored it. You made sure you had a good reason not to make love when Ruburt spontaneously wanted to, and the same applied to him.

These two events made him pull in his horns; or rather, his interpretation of them in the light of your relationship. He always felt now, and work this out yourselves, that you focused upon the most negative aspects of his condition, and ignored any improvement as minute. But more, that you almost disapproved of them, that you expected him to be in poor shape. So he would hide any he felt from you often for fear you would crush them, or make him lose whatever small confidence in himself physically he’d gained.

The reason that he could not get rid of the symptoms was simply that he believed them necessary requirements to his work. The symptoms and curtailment of activities were invisibly combined, so that he did not realize you could consciously set up a system in which you could work freely without distractions, and be perfectly free to do whatever else you wanted otherwise.

When you talk about people being insane, and point out the negative aspects of the race, Ruburt becomes highly uncomfortable because to him this means he has to protect himself against them, and justifies his behavior. On the other hand he becomes angry and frightened because it is precisely to protect himself against such “people, activities, and events” that he has tried to isolate himself.

Now. In one respect Ruburt is quite correct: you believe it is safer to express your doubts and negative aspects then to express your enthusiasms or hopes.

You say that when my book is finished you will move, yet each of you through the years has said “When this book is finished we will move.” Move or not, you must be consciously aware of your beliefs and deal with them on that level. Now. Ruburt’s coming back in here (Apartment 5) represented a willingness to face beliefs. To come out into the open, so to speak, with you and with the world.

Symbolic interpretations immediately became obvious, and yet brought out into the open, as in tonight’s episode. I do not want to duplicate material, but Ruburt’s seeing you working without symptoms was of great benefit. Your reaction then to the noise was upsetting, which is quite all right, because now your reactions there can be consciously assimilated. Your reaction is to yell about the condition, yet you do not move. His has been to say little and to withdraw. Though your particular interpretations of distractions may vary, to him the noise itself, for example, is not so charged. But quite rightly he recognizes the noise as your symbol for distraction.

Give us a moment. You can see where in many regards your beliefs jibed, interacted, and yet you have lately both concentrated on the negative aspects, and this is one of your difficulties. Each of you.

Working nights or early mornings is a kind of solution, and a method of illumination in which he is forced to make conscious decisions. It is a way of consciously deciding to operate, to cut out distractions. It shows him there are alternatives, and will automatically make him think of others.

Up until now Ruburt felt and believed that despite the unfortunate aspects you were willing to go along. He felt you were not willing on your own to face some issues on a conscious level, and as he grew more frightened he felt that you were willing to let him do this for both of you while you were accusing him because of the symptoms.

(“I equated curtailment of activities with physical self-adopted limitations because when this started I didn’t trust myself to curtail activities consciously . I saw no alternative.