“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Ruburt in his own way recognizes the charge behind what you say. Sound to him does not have the same meaning, though he may dislike the noise. He interprets your remarks therefore as aimed against distractions in general, recognizing your symbolism, and this makes him uneasy because in his own life he has taken the steps he has to cut down distractions.

Ruburt’s set of beliefs for some time were so invisible, and he identified with them so completely, that it was extremely difficult for him to examine them in the light of the present and his now situation.

The paper written today should be discussed by both of you so that those ideas are brought completely into the open where he can consciously and intellectually examine them. Your emotions follow your beliefs. For many reasons then he was convinced that his course was correct. His methods began to alarm him, but even when they did, and he realized that he was making a bargain of a sort, he still believed in the premise that made a bargain necessary.

There are other issues of which he has been lately somewhat aware, connected here for example. In the beginning the symptoms made certain that he would not have to get a job. That fear no longer operates. The belief as he wrote it alone was simply that to do his creative work he had to curtail other activities. In the beginning as an apprentice writer this was to allow him to develop.

Now: your attitude and his interpretation of it, to him, clearly jibed. Such courses would also represent distractions to you. He thought you hated distractions, and for a period of time he felt that you thought him one.

Since all of this made such sense to him, he did not change it. Nor could he see beyond it. Until yesterday he could not see himself apart from the system of beliefs.

You made love when it was safe to do so. Now this involved tricks on both of your parts, to which you both agreed. The conscious material was there. You simply ignored it. You made sure you had a good reason not to make love when Ruburt spontaneously wanted to, and the same applied to him.

In many areas then both of you controlled your spontaneity. For Ruburt this had greater dangers than it did for you because he is geared toward spontaneous action. Other issues would have subsidiary effects, all within the framework. For him the writing abilities had to be allowed freedom. The psychic initiation actually united them. The early novels, published, would have led to another kind of personal problem, since all involved were living. He would still have had to face the world, so to speak. To be free to write freely, he had also to make a certain financial success, or he would need a job.

With the dream book he tried to do something he did not consider artistic, and was unable to do it. He believed in the book’s ideas, but the artistic framework for him was not right. When it was rejected my book was developing. Finances were mixed up with freedom to write, then.

These two events made him pull in his horns; or rather, his interpretation of them in the light of your relationship. He always felt now, and work this out yourselves, that you focused upon the most negative aspects of his condition, and ignored any improvement as minute. But more, that you almost disapproved of them, that you expected him to be in poor shape. So he would hide any he felt from you often for fear you would crush them, or make him lose whatever small confidence in himself physically he’d gained.

Buying a house was in direct opposition to several other beliefs. The money from books gave him freedom to write more books, so to buy was a threat. At the same time he wanted to move, though he has been more satisfied than you.

The tooth difficulty arose because of the conflicts of wanting a new contract while thinking of spending money for a house. Also his great difficulty physically when you were looking at houses. He felt that you wanted one but that you were refusing to do what you could do—move to a rented place, and that did excite him.

The symptoms became intensified. The tooth symptoms however brought up a system of beliefs through his writing, and he faced some of them quite directly in a crisis situation. He saw what could happen when beliefs are allowed to run astray, and he attacked some then quite directly, and won out. The contract for my book, on a physical level, relieved him.

When you talk about people being insane, and point out the negative aspects of the race, Ruburt becomes highly uncomfortable because to him this means he has to protect himself against them, and justifies his behavior. On the other hand he becomes angry and frightened because it is precisely to protect himself against such “people, activities, and events” that he has tried to isolate himself.

Hearing you voice the same opinions, he becomes mad at them or at you, for he knows that those reactions of yours helped him form his fear of the world—helped, but are not responsible.

Now when Ruburt imaginatively saw the trailer, and so forth (on our Sunday drive last weekend) and experienced that mobility in imagination, your reaction was the same as the one used for my analogy above. In his way he was using an excellent procedure, and what you thought of as reminding him of the facts was instead inhibiting freedom.

A bicycle has all kinds of connotations for him. It seems unreasonable, watching him, to think that he could even begin to ride one. Watching him you would not think he could get to a dance floor, much less move. He mentioned adjusting the seat. You have been afraid to fix it, thinking he might hurt himself. That is another point however that is important.

Symbolic interpretations immediately became obvious, and yet brought out into the open, as in tonight’s episode. I do not want to duplicate material, but Ruburt’s seeing you working without symptoms was of great benefit. Your reaction then to the noise was upsetting, which is quite all right, because now your reactions there can be consciously assimilated. Your reaction is to yell about the condition, yet you do not move. His has been to say little and to withdraw. Though your particular interpretations of distractions may vary, to him the noise itself, for example, is not so charged. But quite rightly he recognizes the noise as your symbol for distraction.

Working nights or early mornings is a kind of solution, and a method of illumination in which he is forced to make conscious decisions. It is a way of consciously deciding to operate, to cut out distractions. It shows him there are alternatives, and will automatically make him think of others.

Seeing you work, as these last few days, instantly made him see other alternatives in which the same ends are met, but without cutting down on physical flexibility. The most seemingly impractical ideas, imaginatively considered, may be precisely the most practical in greater terms. Your expectations must be changed, and despite what so-called practical experience shows you. That is why a puny weakling who cannot lift a sack of groceries may suddenly find himself holding up a car so a child can escape.

Up until now Ruburt felt and believed that despite the unfortunate aspects you were willing to go along. He felt you were not willing on your own to face some issues on a conscious level, and as he grew more frightened he felt that you were willing to let him do this for both of you while you were accusing him because of the symptoms.