“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

[...] When the system was set up, for many reasons having to do with relative youth and lack of experience, he did not have any confidence in his conscious ability to say no, to hold to a “line of attack.” He was afraid he would be swept willy-nilly. He was also afraid, particularly when he tried teaching, that he might be led to give up and settle for another occupation that would bring automatic respectability, money, and some prestige.

The paper written today should be discussed by both of you so that those ideas are brought completely into the open where he can consciously and intellectually examine them. [...] For many reasons then he was convinced that his course was correct. His methods began to alarm him, but even when they did, and he realized that he was making a bargain of a sort, he still believed in the premise that made a bargain necessary.

Finally it came to that, where earlier he believed he could reverse the process. Now he is at the point where he is beginning to believe he can indeed reverse the process. [...]

[...] Sound to him does not have the same meaning, though he may dislike the noise. He interprets your remarks therefore as aimed against distractions in general, recognizing your symbolism, and this makes him uneasy because in his own life he has taken the steps he has to cut down distractions.

There are other issues of which he has been lately somewhat aware, connected here for example. In the beginning the symptoms made certain that he would not have to get a job. [...] The belief as he wrote it alone was simply that to do his creative work he had to curtail other activities. [...]

When he found himself becoming at all known after the tour, the symptoms, after having lifted to a large degree, returned with a vengeance, because then he was suddenly, to his way of thinking, besieged by distractions of a different kind. Then he was also afraid that this spontaneity and unconventionally attuned energy could be misdirected, again physically away from work. He could become for example a television personality.

[...] For Ruburt this had greater dangers than it did for you because he is geared toward spontaneous action. [...] He would still have had to face the world, so to speak. To be free to write freely, he had also to make a certain financial success, or he would need a job.

[...] He always felt now, and work this out yourselves, that you focused upon the most negative aspects of his condition, and ignored any improvement as minute. [...] So he would hide any he felt from you often for fear you would crush them, or make him lose whatever small confidence in himself physically he’d gained.

[...] It seems unreasonable, watching him, to think that he could even begin to ride one. Watching him you would not think he could get to a dance floor, much less move. He mentioned adjusting the seat. You have been afraid to fix it, thinking he might hurt himself. [...]

The sex was denied on a physical level to a large extent, as he read so-called psychic books. Much of this is based on the youthful feeling he had to direct his energy toward his work. He found his physical age frightening for a while, and was therefore not able to use the experience gained with age. To give up the youthful ideas was to admit that he was no longer the young writer.