“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Give us a moment.... He had, as you mentioned, the inner knowledge of his own abilities that had, he felt, to be used. After his first marriage he determined, with the help of your love, to find a suitable framework. His natural abilities are unconventionally tuned, highly spontaneous, working through intuitive loops; in a certain way, now, from a normally conscious viewpoint, unpredictable.

(Intently, as above:) His nature then on other levels would follow the same pattern. He felt that this same quality, physically translated, led to a physical spontaneity that would make the inner spontaneity more difficult to achieve. Spontaneity and energy used in his work was one thing, but allowed physical translation, he felt, could mean bizarre, unreasonable physical complications.

Before you moved here he felt that his energy had been too spontaneously used physically.

He was then just over 30, and felt that his abilities had not begun to show fruition. The beliefs gathered momentum then, coming from structures from childhood that he felt he could use, and from you ideas, which then, were very much like his.

Now: your attitude and his interpretation of it, to him, clearly jibed. Such courses would also represent distractions to you. He thought you hated distractions, and for a period of time he felt that you thought him one.

He also felt that you reacted to his improvement by feeling threatened yourself, that you disapproved of it. Two particular beliefs here: The party at Bega’s, and your “tirade” —his interpretation, about his dealing with Prentice on one particular occasion. For reference it is in his notebook.

These two events made him pull in his horns; or rather, his interpretation of them in the light of your relationship. He always felt now, and work this out yourselves, that you focused upon the most negative aspects of his condition, and ignored any improvement as minute. But more, that you almost disapproved of them, that you expected him to be in poor shape. So he would hide any he felt from you often for fear you would crush them, or make him lose whatever small confidence in himself physically he’d gained.

The tooth difficulty arose because of the conflicts of wanting a new contract while thinking of spending money for a house. Also his great difficulty physically when you were looking at houses. He felt that you wanted one but that you were refusing to do what you could do—move to a rented place, and that did excite him.

Until that distinction was seen then he felt his writing dependent upon the symptoms. They were retained in order to maintain concentration, period. When a book was being produced, and afterward.

Up until now Ruburt felt and believed that despite the unfortunate aspects you were willing to go along. He felt you were not willing on your own to face some issues on a conscious level, and as he grew more frightened he felt that you were willing to let him do this for both of you while you were accusing him because of the symptoms.