“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Because many of his ideas and beliefs were also bound up with you, your work, your ideas and his interpretations of them, then your relationship became entwined. Initially the beliefs were accepted because he had been taught to believe to fear his energy. On the other hand it was his pride. Now in another kind of life-style, with another kind of personality, the same belief might have been dispensed with easily. If energy flows in conventional accepted patterns it is not feared.

There are other issues of which he has been lately somewhat aware, connected here for example. In the beginning the symptoms made certain that he would not have to get a job. That fear no longer operates. The belief as he wrote it alone was simply that to do his creative work he had to curtail other activities. In the beginning as an apprentice writer this was to allow him to develop.

Give me a moment. I want to organize this so it makes sense to you... For other reasons, the fear of pregnancy for example, physical spontaneity was also suspect, and here again you were involved. Not that you consciously approved the methods used, but he had his situation and yours always in mind, and was convinced he was acting for both of your interest.

These two events made him pull in his horns; or rather, his interpretation of them in the light of your relationship. He always felt now, and work this out yourselves, that you focused upon the most negative aspects of his condition, and ignored any improvement as minute. But more, that you almost disapproved of them, that you expected him to be in poor shape. So he would hide any he felt from you often for fear you would crush them, or make him lose whatever small confidence in himself physically he’d gained.

Hearing you voice the same opinions, he becomes mad at them or at you, for he knows that those reactions of yours helped him form his fear of the world—helped, but are not responsible.

When he thinks in such terms he sees an old woman, crippled and alone, incapacitated, in a home, and the fear brings a feeling of powerlessness, not one of strength. The beliefs mentioned added up to beliefs on a physical level so that Ruburt believed that his arms and legs could not straighten out, that he could not physically walk well.