“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He abhorred liquor because he was aware of the tales saying that liquor was the Indians’ downfall. He tried to be “civilized,” to counteract the Indian image, and he repressed his feelings. He was an outsider and a small, short, tubercular-looking man. He felt himself a pygmy, because of size and because as an Indian he was put down. He never related to his French background.

It was not necessarily a negative identification. That negative quality emerged only when he felt the need for greater protection, when he threatened to become uncivilized—going against his society in unforeseen ways. When he became important at all in world terms, he could no longer be a pygmy, and therefore lost a part of that identification that he felt had protected him against his mother and the feared spontaneity or instincts. So he would become shorter.

(10:17.) Give us a moment.... These represented the power of the body not being used, the animal instincts denied. The vitality. He identified with them perfectly however as himself, or versions. The woman’s was a more possible version of himself. The male figure however represented the fact that he believes that strong muscular motion is a male characteristic, and not one that he feels belongs to mentally oriented males. In this life he never sought tall, strongly developed, muscular, large-boned males out, but avoided them. He felt they would not understand his mental properties. Here indeed he saw a symbolic representation of Ruburt—not one that could be physically materialized with his bone structure as a woman, but a figure of idealistic physical proportions that also possessed great mental faculties to match.

There were in-between episodes where he saw himself more or less an adolescent, weak and spindly. That represented a period in his life where he felt physically insecure. At his grandfather’s death he felt betrayed, then, because he had felt his grandfather invulnerable. It was then, though he forgot, that he was given the elixir to strengthen him.