“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He was murdered for an act of pure thoughtlessness, of impulse. He determined to discipline himself much more carefully from then on, but from this point he threw himself wholeheartedly, for two lives, into lives of great restraint and overcontrol.

So these important elements merge at this point. It is the first time, so to speak, that the personality, seriously tried to merge them, and yet for prime development and fulfillment this had to be accomplished. The personality regards this as a challenge of the highest order, but strains naturally develop.

He has used his symptoms to some degree as a checking point. Before, the presence of his mother and those surroundings acted as both restraints on over-spontaneity, and as aids for the growth of creativity. Do you follow me here?

Now. When these were released, when he left the initial environment, he ran willy-nilly, he felt. He tended to be ruled more than he would prefer by emotionalism. (Pause.) At this point he began to rely upon you somewhat as a controlling factor, since he felt you were more given to reason and control. When you became ill, he realized that no other human being could be used in such a way.

Unfortunately several episodes frightened him enough so that he felt again the need for controls. Now here is one nice little point. Ruburt’s mother, as mentioned earlier, had often told him that if he kept on as he was going he would lose his mind; and contacts with psychologists, when he feels they are testing him, brings up this old issue.

Now. We are going to keep on with this to get all the important points out while conditions are good.

One evening dancing, he tried consciously too hard, so that he tensed the muscles as he was trying to use them, and there was a physical result then. Now, the point is, he no longer needs the controls. (Pause.) Understand that the whole situation, on a very deep basis, was protective as it tried to reproduce to some extent, though to a far lesser extent, those early conditions that allowed for the controlled and disciplined growth of strong creative abilities. He chose a mock version of those early restraints. Now. The controls are no longer necessary. The reasons as given in this evening’s session should make him realize that. The physical symptoms now remaining are a direct result of these contradictory messages being given—one relax let go, the other wait, now, not so fast, slow up.

Again, we are trying to search for all pertinent points. (Two minute pause.) There are still a few issues, and I am trying to get at them. (Long pause.) His writing schedule, as he knows, should be maintained. He punishes himself with symptoms when it is not. The symptoms then become an issue for the next few days, that prevent him to some extent from carrying out the schedule. It can be flexible, but he operates well within it and can use it as an aid.

His conscious mind, when he is not writing, should be anchored on something. There is too much unrecognized free brooding, when he sits doing nothing consciously, waiting perhaps for inspiration but not in a positive way. He will know to what periods I am referring, now that I have pointed it out. He should have a painting in progress as a hobby, or several for such times, or do household activities. His mind, his conscious mind, is the type that should be anchored in such a way, for it is overactive, otherwise, and when he is not at his best it will leap to brooding. He lets this go by.