“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

There are tendencies and conflicts that have been with the personality in other existences, that have influenced his nature as he vacillated between spontaneity, usually exaggerated, and overdiscipline; in some lives a great lack of concern for the welfare of others, that could be called an innocent callousness, a joyful, utterly spontaneous personality with little idea of practicality. He died once simply as a result of acting without thought, forethought, on the impulse of the moment.

Fear of course was the motive behind this iron discipline. In the last life, as a medium, he had swung somewhat to the other side again, deliberately not using his intellect and giving the spontaneous portions full play. He was open-hearted, rather childishly vain, the emotional pattern quickly moving from joy to tears.

In so doing he learned to understand his own emotional nature, how to direct its energies, and how to use it as a source of creativity and psychic and spiritual accomplishment.

He has used his symptoms to some degree as a checking point. Before, the presence of his mother and those surroundings acted as both restraints on over-spontaneity, and as aids for the growth of creativity. Do you follow me here?

He also felt, as mentioned earlier, that emotionalism on his part brought you ill fortune in Florida. The part-time job at the gallery for a while became a controlling factor, preventing him from dealing with the creative self on a full-time basis.

Unfortunately several episodes frightened him enough so that he felt again the need for controls. Now here is one nice little point. Ruburt’s mother, as mentioned earlier, had often told him that if he kept on as he was going he would lose his mind; and contacts with psychologists, when he feels they are testing him, brings up this old issue.

Bernard did not operate as a psychologist. Ruburt thought of him as being on his side, and there was no hint of accusation in Bernard’s attitude.

Now I was not able to give you any information, particularly at that time, but this did have something to do with my rather vehement recording, which I hoped would have the effect of discouraging Dr. Instream. I could not however shield Ruburt in all of his activities in any case. He would have to face the problem, and if it was circumvented in one way it could have returned at a later date.

Ruburt interpreted Instream’s final attitude to mean that the psychologist had more or less by implication justified the mother’s frequent warning. The affair was not to be taken seriously as a psychic phenomena, and Ruburt with his either/or attitude then decided that it was time to apply controls.

Since he had temporarily put you in the role of a controlling factor, this was also in the back of his mind. You emerged whole and hearty, and so should he. The issues were not identical, you see, but similar enough in his mind.

Otherwise he felt he might fritter his energy away. At the same time he was afraid of it for the reasons given, and felt it was best to handle it in an environment of applied controls.

He also felt it would help him understand to some extent his mother’s actions, and rid him of the hatred he had of her. Now give us time. The problem as he set it in the framework he made for it, was quite literally huge. He also wanted to understand the effect of mind on matter. He did not really believe, intellectually, what I told him, that you form your own reality, and he felt that the symptoms would also help. He did not get his symptoms to test my theories, understand. Do you follow me?

The controls were actually adopted in fear against the insanity threatened by his mother, and the implications that he felt implied in the Instream affair. He did not for example fear he was insane, but he felt the need once more to control the spontaneity. Your father’s condition as always had these implications, and it did not escape him that your father, in his mental condition, is put in a wheelchair and restrained forcibly. In other words Ruburt restrained himself ahead of time.

Again, we are trying to search for all pertinent points. (Two minute pause.) There are still a few issues, and I am trying to get at them. (Long pause.) His writing schedule, as he knows, should be maintained. He punishes himself with symptoms when it is not. The symptoms then become an issue for the next few days, that prevent him to some extent from carrying out the schedule. It can be flexible, but he operates well within it and can use it as an aid.

The depressions are also caused when he overemphasizes control and smothers spontaneity. Now the writing schedule provides two needs, both control and spontaneity, and is therefore comfortable. A circle is set up: an overemphasis on control leads him to a depression, which interferes with his writing schedule. This bringing on symptoms which further impede the schedule.

Now the difficulty in the morning follows those days when he feels he has not put in his writing time, and he does not realize this. He projects that day of relative failure into the next day, and experiences symptoms and feelings of hopelessness upon awakening.

His conscious mind, when he is not writing, should be anchored on something. There is too much unrecognized free brooding, when he sits doing nothing consciously, waiting perhaps for inspiration but not in a positive way. He will know to what periods I am referring, now that I have pointed it out. He should have a painting in progress as a hobby, or several for such times, or do household activities. His mind, his conscious mind, is the type that should be anchored in such a way, for it is overactive, otherwise, and when he is not at his best it will leap to brooding. He lets this go by.

Now. The Saratoga issue is clear. If you drive past his old house he should tell himself that he no longer needs it or what it stands for, that he can retain good memories of it. (Long pause.) It will be very easy for him to think of the town as the place where his grandfather lived, and this will bring about the beneficial aspects. It reassures him however to know that the town is still there, that he is free to go to the town and free to leave it. Symbolically this is important.

It is also good for him to see that it has changed, that it exists in the present, along with his own adulthood, and you can remind him of this. Even his mother you see has left the town. Now do you have questions?

We will then close the session, and my best wishes to your fingers. The information should prove quite valuable. Ruburt did not feel he was mature enough to handle his abilities. Tell him that I am saying that he is. He can quite literally relax with them now and with himself. He can quite literally let down. And a hearty good evening.