“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He also felt, as mentioned earlier, that emotionalism on his part brought you ill fortune in Florida. The part-time job at the gallery for a while became a controlling factor, preventing him from dealing with the creative self on a full-time basis.

Unfortunately several episodes frightened him enough so that he felt again the need for controls. Now here is one nice little point. Ruburt’s mother, as mentioned earlier, had often told him that if he kept on as he was going he would lose his mind; and contacts with psychologists, when he feels they are testing him, brings up this old issue.

Bernard did not operate as a psychologist. Ruburt thought of him as being on his side, and there was no hint of accusation in Bernard’s attitude.

The symptoms initially were clamped on in panic. One or two poor test results frightened him. This of course added to the other issues. The purpose however was two-fold again, the development of an environment in which controls would be there: the symptoms taking the place in this case of the mother’s restrictive presence, and the comparative isolation in the house, the comparative solitude that he felt was necessary then for the emergence of the creative abilities—both of these you see existing in the child environment.

Give us time. He did not count upon the body’s response. He was terrified of the vulnerability to pain, and yet he felt the ability to face and handle the pain was something he would run away from otherwise; that he had done everything to avoid it, and that it was one of life’s physical realities that he had refused to admit. So he felt a taste of it would not hurt him.

He also felt it would help him understand to some extent his mother’s actions, and rid him of the hatred he had of her. Now give us time. The problem as he set it in the framework he made for it, was quite literally huge. He also wanted to understand the effect of mind on matter. He did not really believe, intellectually, what I told him, that you form your own reality, and he felt that the symptoms would also help. He did not get his symptoms to test my theories, understand. Do you follow me?

This realization then threw him into panic, reinforcing the symptoms. Now give us time. Your father’s condition frightened him because of the mother’s old suggestions of losing the mind, and of course the nursing home environment that represents to him the mother’s environment.

The use of the opposite is simply to tell him that he is not meaning what he says, that the remark, usually a pleasant one, is covering up an unpleasant feeling.

The Psycho-Cybernetics that I have mentioned, when he does them properly, make him smile, reducing tension in the facial and neck areas. Good relaxation is extremely important, where the muscles are let go as far as possible. Physical activity of a fairly steady variety is good. Both are needed.

One evening dancing, he tried consciously too hard, so that he tensed the muscles as he was trying to use them, and there was a physical result then. Now, the point is, he no longer needs the controls. (Pause.) Understand that the whole situation, on a very deep basis, was protective as it tried to reproduce to some extent, though to a far lesser extent, those early conditions that allowed for the controlled and disciplined growth of strong creative abilities. He chose a mock version of those early restraints. Now. The controls are no longer necessary. The reasons as given in this evening’s session should make him realize that. The physical symptoms now remaining are a direct result of these contradictory messages being given—one relax let go, the other wait, now, not so fast, slow up.

The controls were actually adopted in fear against the insanity threatened by his mother, and the implications that he felt implied in the Instream affair. He did not for example fear he was insane, but he felt the need once more to control the spontaneity. Your father’s condition as always had these implications, and it did not escape him that your father, in his mental condition, is put in a wheelchair and restrained forcibly. In other words Ruburt restrained himself ahead of time.

For him now the idea of a long trip is a daring adventure: does he really have the freedom to go so far?

Again, we are trying to search for all pertinent points. (Two minute pause.) There are still a few issues, and I am trying to get at them. (Long pause.) His writing schedule, as he knows, should be maintained. He punishes himself with symptoms when it is not. The symptoms then become an issue for the next few days, that prevent him to some extent from carrying out the schedule. It can be flexible, but he operates well within it and can use it as an aid.

The depressions are also caused when he overemphasizes control and smothers spontaneity. Now the writing schedule provides two needs, both control and spontaneity, and is therefore comfortable. A circle is set up: an overemphasis on control leads him to a depression, which interferes with his writing schedule. This bringing on symptoms which further impede the schedule.

Now. The Saratoga issue is clear. If you drive past his old house he should tell himself that he no longer needs it or what it stands for, that he can retain good memories of it. (Long pause.) It will be very easy for him to think of the town as the place where his grandfather lived, and this will bring about the beneficial aspects. It reassures him however to know that the town is still there, that he is free to go to the town and free to leave it. Symbolically this is important.

It is also good for him to see that it has changed, that it exists in the present, along with his own adulthood, and you can remind him of this. Even his mother you see has left the town. Now do you have questions?

We will then close the session, and my best wishes to your fingers. The information should prove quite valuable. Ruburt did not feel he was mature enough to handle his abilities. Tell him that I am saying that he is. He can quite literally relax with them now and with himself. He can quite literally let down. And a hearty good evening.