“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

The feelings were responsible for the blocking mentioned in our last session, and represent the plucking of the sorest thorn from his flesh, symbolically. Without the emergence into consciousness, the difficulties would have continued to some degree.

There would have been no overwhelming conflict for him, hence no such physical symptoms as he has encountered, if he was content, you see, basically to let you carry the financial ball—in other words, if he were truly a dependent personality.

In that case, the symptoms, whatever they were, would most likely have been yours.

The conflict has never been that he resented having to make extra money outside of writing. The conflict—when it was touched off you see by the need to make more money again—the conflict resulted from what would appear to be two methods of making money. One method he felt was highly favored by you, and by far it seemed the most dependable, and he chose it.

In the past, it had been at least acceptable to him, because he felt it a temporary means. His own overexpectations, or rather unrealistic expectations concerning his book, and the mistakes he felt were connected with it, sensitized him, until he felt that outside money would be a permanent part of his life.

The symptoms then began as he began to think in terms of job hunting. Your remarks concerning the benefits of a regular job would bring the symptoms to a pitch, and did so as recently as a week or so ago.

The nursery school was at the time the only move he felt really open to him. He was afraid he would not manage a steady income with the Avon, and already frightened of the mobility it demanded. Nursery school seemed to offer a compromise between your idea of a regular job, and his own dislike of one. He felt guilty at turning down the yoga classes, yet he felt that to match your performance he was expected to work five afternoons. His symptoms were aggravated again on the signing of the contract, and highly again when he refused the summer position.

He is for that matter still frightened, and will need your support. If this were not the case he would have given notice for next year now. All of these have been involved with his writing, obviously. When he was enthused about its future, the secondary aspects of making additional cash did not critically concern him.

He felt his own respect and yours, he must take a job, and a regular one— and for the reasons given this had highly unpleasant repercussions that led to symptoms of immobility. These symptoms further aggravated his fears of dependence, and in his worse moments he feared that he would become a cripple and you would leave him. This was when the mother identification was at its peak—now long past.

The result, of course, was a complete stoppage of writing for a time. We managed to get some signs through to you in our sessions, and he would have been in worse condition had they been cut out.

Had the same time and effort been given then to the kind of endeavors he is now planning, as was given to the selection of a job, there would have been no further difficulty.

Were it not for the close connection between you, you would not have been able to receive the material that you did through the pendulum.

Considerable thought and contemplation should be used here, and as much energy devoted as would be given in the search for a job, for the potentials are far greater. Let Ruburt’s determination be applied here and it will meet with constructive benefits. It will solve a long-standing problem that otherwise will always be of some concern.

I will end our session. However we shall hold our regular Wednesday session to these same matters. For Ruburt’s benefit: He is being forced to solve his problem now, to find the solution for him. Had he been alone he would simply have been forced to solve it earlier.