“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I spent the afternoon using the pendulum and compiling a list of foods Jane shouldn’t eat, according to my own subconscious ideas. The idea was to see how accurate my delineations had been. Jane and I discussed the list before the session. A copy of the list will be found at the end of the session.

There would have been no overwhelming conflict for him, hence no such physical symptoms as he has encountered, if he was content, you see, basically to let you carry the financial ball—in other words, if he were truly a dependent personality.

The conflict has never been that he resented having to make extra money outside of writing. The conflict—when it was touched off you see by the need to make more money again—the conflict resulted from what would appear to be two methods of making money. One method he felt was highly favored by you, and by far it seemed the most dependable, and he chose it.

Ruburt was quite too psychically upset to get clear access to me. Not a case of blocking necessarily here. A case of tumultuous activity that automatically clogged our communication, on quite key matters.

The nursery school was at the time the only move he felt really open to him. He was afraid he would not manage a steady income with the Avon, and already frightened of the mobility it demanded. Nursery school seemed to offer a compromise between your idea of a regular job, and his own dislike of one. He felt guilty at turning down the yoga classes, yet he felt that to match your performance he was expected to work five afternoons. His symptoms were aggravated again on the signing of the contract, and highly again when he refused the summer position.

His father, in his old age, did have a job for others, as did Joe in his late years. In both cases, the jobs were considered marks of degradation. From the Irish side, a woman who worked for others, you see, was a domestic. There was, in the family history, always a struggle to work for oneself, this being a matter of class pride and independence.

He is for that matter still frightened, and will need your support. If this were not the case he would have given notice for next year now. All of these have been involved with his writing, obviously. When he was enthused about its future, the secondary aspects of making additional cash did not critically concern him.

He was bothered particularly, you see, because his own mother’s position makes him terrified of being financially dependent, yet the way he chose to make, money at this particular point was precisely the wrong way for him at this time.

(9:32. Jane said she was far-out. She was not aware of outside noise, etc, and spoke fast, eyes open often as the delivery progressed.

The need for money, and the fear of being dependent then, led him to seek money through a method which, once acceptable, was now highly and critically unacceptable for the reasons given.

He felt his own respect and yours, he must take a job, and a regular one— and for the reasons given this had highly unpleasant repercussions that led to symptoms of immobility. These symptoms further aggravated his fears of dependence, and in his worse moments he feared that he would become a cripple and you would leave him. This was when the mother identification was at its peak—now long past.

The result, of course, was a complete stoppage of writing for a time. We managed to get some signs through to you in our sessions, and he would have been in worse condition had they been cut out.

Had the same time and effort been given then to the kind of endeavors he is now planning, as was given to the selection of a job, there would have been no further difficulty.

It was correct, even to the percentage. This is not unusual however, but happens often. When the whole personality is in a high period of stress, and unbalanced, it works against itself even chemically. Various foods are then used in a destructive way, representing the emotional conflicting forces.

The problems were related to Ruburt’s own writing, as you see. This last Saratoga episode was highly beneficial, even though it frightened Ruburt because he was afraid to use the freedom offered to him. There was great emotional charge behind the whole reunion question, and the “shall I go—shall I not go”—questioning discharged long withheld energy. Symbolically Ruburt came to grips with the whole Saratoga problem with his mother and the past.

Even though he did not make the trip he came out on top. He was afraid to go in the last analysis, but he was not afraid to go for the old reasons.