“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

The conflict has never been that he resented having to make extra money outside of writing. The conflict—when it was touched off you see by the need to make more money again—the conflict resulted from what would appear to be two methods of making money. One method he felt was highly favored by you, and by far it seemed the most dependable, and he chose it.

In the past, it had been at least acceptable to him, because he felt it a temporary means. His own overexpectations, or rather unrealistic expectations concerning his book, and the mistakes he felt were connected with it, sensitized him, until he felt that outside money would be a permanent part of his life.

The nursery school was at the time the only move he felt really open to him. He was afraid he would not manage a steady income with the Avon, and already frightened of the mobility it demanded. Nursery school seemed to offer a compromise between your idea of a regular job, and his own dislike of one. He felt guilty at turning down the yoga classes, yet he felt that to match your performance he was expected to work five afternoons. His symptoms were aggravated again on the signing of the contract, and highly again when he refused the summer position.

He felt his own respect and yours, he must take a job, and a regular one— and for the reasons given this had highly unpleasant repercussions that led to symptoms of immobility. These symptoms further aggravated his fears of dependence, and in his worse moments he feared that he would become a cripple and you would leave him. This was when the mother identification was at its peak—now long past.