“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

I’m caught between writing these notes and continuing with my preface or whatever for James, which is coming along great; but guess this is more important right now. Earlier, AM, my eyes were very full. Moisture-laden; then during the day those odd feelings in my head, mostly right side, continue. Once head felt very full on that side, then the moisture felt as if it were flowing downward; pooling in ear maybe, then down neck—all right side; then as I continue to write and try not to concentrate on all this—a feeling in right leg below knee of blockage for a moment; uncomfortable; I massage it just for a minute; the feeling of moisture then goes into right foot. I work more. Get up—and a note here on my reactions. Go to john, noticing the feeling of ... moisture or easiness is now in both legs so I feel I’m moving all together more; go to fix coffee, hoping I can get out of kitchen before laundry boy arrives; do dishes, and the kid comes. I want to get out of the kitchen—it’s too late; I feel humiliated, having someone see me standing so poorly. Rob sticks his head in doorway, says money is “there”; he’s busy, difficult for me to turn to see where “There” is; he has to say “on cabinet.” Kid tries door; it’s locked; I don’t think I can unlock it and get out of his way quickly enough without asking him to wait for me to move, feel humiliated again, know Rob is busy with the book and why can’t I handle it? By now, Rob lets the boy in. I feel he’s irritated, but I tell myself I chose that condition with its resulting humiliations in the past and now I am choosing to be responsive; to be more alive; and those incidences will soon BE past. Go back to work; then—suddenly move my right foot and it moves up and down quite a bit more—and feel easier and... like that moisture turns to motion. The entire back of the left leg feels that way too, and as I write, it gets even easier. (This includes under knee.)

[...] Besides this, it seems to you that such encounters involve a simplification and distortion by their very nature as far as your work is concerned, along with a unique kind of psychological disclosure that could be humiliating, lacking the proper frame of understanding. [...]

[...] They often represent humiliations, most often at his mother’s hands—humiliations that convinced him that he was indeed unlovable and bound for trouble. [...]

This particular group of people are also usually possessed by an extraordinary anger: they are furious at themselves for not being able to showcase their own strength and power — but “forced” instead into a kind of behavior that appears sometimes frightening and humiliating.

[...] (Pause.) It is humiliating to realize that you consider yourself as a Sinful Self, potentially evil, and to encounter the feelings themselves (intently)—so Ruburt has shoved them underground. [...]

[...] The prosaic reasons for the beliefs, however, do lie in his private background and to that extent in experiences humiliating for an adult to recall. [...]

[...] Ruburt was outraged that having treated you the way they had, they would so humiliate themselves as to beg for your aid, and instead decided that basically they did not feel humiliated but were asking what they considered their just due.

[...] Those with the beliefs just mentioned often think of sexuality as bestial, evil, and even humiliating.

[...] Ruburt fears humiliation. Acting as if he were perfectly healthy, such imagined humiliation would not be automatically projected. [...]

[...] Even people who are not so fervently opposed to spontaneity often feel that it is somehow suspect, distasteful, perhaps leading to humiliating actions. [...]

[...] Beside the rather ordinary humiliation, there was the deep bewilderment, you see, for this was the first time, symbolically, that the parent could pursue physically. [...]

Subconsciously he feels that you are saying shut up, and this angers, humiliates and bewilders him. [...]

[...] He automatically projects distaste into your eyes at the spectacle, and is humiliated when you see him trying to get up. [...]

[...] You lit cigarettes for him, particularly when you were in public, but you did not open the car door unless he asked you, or reminded you when that hurt or humiliated him.

[...] They may think that poverty is demeaning or humiliating or threatening, yet want it despite those conditions for other reasons that may or may not have anything to do with money, per se. [...]

It hurt him of course to perform the up and down motions particularly, and he interpreted this to mean that you wanted him to torture and humiliate his body further by forcing it to feel the pain, and that in doing so he was punishing it further. [...]

[...] He felt it a sign of weakness on his part to even think of it, yet he also felt that on occasion you showed an annoying lack of sympathy or understanding, and at his worst moments he would feel that you purposely chose a place further away—that it was for his own good, you thought, that he face the humiliation in realizing in what poor condition he was. [...]

[...] he decided he would not be humiliated again, for he could no longer “pass” as normal.

[...] He counted its humiliations over and over in his mind, until his mind became an almost completely closed environment, in which only certain ideas were allowed entry.

Once those old beliefs are understood for what they are, they will no longer be considered as shameful in themselves, nor humiliating, or as attitudes to be accused of (long pause, one of many), but as a personality’s way of still preserving old beliefs, whatever their nature, for the feeling of safety that they still implied. [...]

[...] Jane described several humiliating incidents her mother had perpetrated upon her. [...]

(Note: Strange to say, but at the same time I felt that Jane was more concerned about trying to make it into the doctor’s office—“Humiliating myself before all those people” —than she was about her symptoms themselves.

[...] A salesman placed her in what seemed to be a very humiliating situation, and yelled at her in front of a crowd of people. [...]