“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

[...] In his gallery work experience he did his best to disguise his spontaneous nature, out of his own fear and also as a result of your attitude at that time.

His abilities, to be used fully, would inevitably have led him to such a crisis point, or better to such a challenge. Any work of art of his, not an apprentice work, would have led him to the same point. Poetry is the exception, for here the necessary integration happened early in his career.

He feared his own spontaneity then was the result of unreasoning propulsion, and in his early years certainly some of it had been. He could not differentiate, and feared his spontaneous self the more, and he saw you fear your parents’ behavior.

His necessary job was to combine the two, for in him the intuitions and intellect are both strong. To use his abilities fully both had to operate smoothly and simultaneously, and give each other freedom and elbow room. [...]

His methods worked very well in the transcription of his records, and purified his translations. [...] His methods did not work nearly as well in person-to-person contact with his students, however. [...]

Part of the stronger hand also had to do with his attempts to help you with your family, to shut you off from too much distracting emotion, when for example you moved back to Sayre after New York. [...] Now at times his own overly-conscientious portions would agree quite heartily with Nebene’s dictates. Because of his psychic abilities he picked up these qualities quite accurately. They would often seem so different from your own actions at a given time that he became highly confused, and distrusted his own reactions.

[...] He was a man of the strongest purpose, high dedication, a severe perfectionist who drove himself and his students. [...] He inhibited many of his strongest drives in order to focus them upon his search and the work to which he was committed.

He saw in his time how so-called mysticism and even dedication, without discipline, could divert energy, distort truths and pervert causes. [...] He dammed his own up, letting it out only in the deep but narrow channel of his interest. [...]

This session should help to minimize that discomfort, which is often so apparent during your visits — precisely when he wants to be at his best. [...] Each of his activities can indeed flow easily one into the other, and he should remind himself that the inner intelligence within him is indeed on its own always seeking his best interest, and always of itself working on his behalf.

He does not have anything new “wrong” with his body. Such fears show that the distrust of the body is still to some extent present, so he should refresh his memory on the connections between femininity, his physical body, and health.

Ruburt’s recent discomfort is partially caused by the fear that his body will not be able to completely heal itself, even if he does uncover all of the reasons for his predicament.

The other reason for his discomfort has to do with his birthday, coupled with the idea of Mother’s Day, which is tomorrow.

[...] Beneath this is the feeling that his life is of no value, that he is in fact worthless, weaker than his peers, and he detests himself enough so that he might take his own life. The threats then convince him of his value. To give them up would be to face his feelings of worthlessness. The situation also allows him to use his creative abilities in terms of fantasy and imagination. He was taught not to express himself, so he only uses those abilities to protect his life, which justifies them. His dilemma makes him important.

[...] He’d washed his face and looked fresher. He told me that within the last five hours something had happened that he’d feared all his life: he’d lost the last of his energy. His inner self was exposed and vulnerable. [...] His tale showed that Jane’s efforts of the night before had largely been futile. [...] He accepted docilely, and gave me his address in San Francisco. [...] Stuart didn’t know when he’d leave town, so I said he should return to his friends in California. [...]

[...] He is creating a reality that is in its way highly unique—a creation he feels at least is his own. [...] Its very danger keeps him on his toes, and forces him to protect his life. [...] It is therefore a mental device meant to protect his life. [...]

[...] He suffered from the attacks of “magicians” who were stealing his energy: “Plates” of energy were being stripped away from his chest in layers, until he feared his inner self would be exposed. [...]

The man who threw in his burden ahead of time was your father. (Smile.) He did this years ago in effect, hence you passed him by, while recognizing his gesture and deciding against it. [...] He was afraid of his abilities and his burdens. He could not go along with them on his back. [...] He leaped into life, denying himself the use of his abilities because of the responsibilities they entailed, hence the separation.

He did very well with his class, not only by holding our session (see the last session, Jane’s first without my presence), but by releasing and vocalizing his deep inner convictions. This helped his students immeasurably. [...]

[...] He makes them a combat zone: his will versus his symptoms, and this defeats his purpose.

Ruburt should read more in his Maltz book, definitely, and concentrate on achieving relaxation, not only in periods set aside, but in his normal daily hours at work or whatever.

Initially language had nothing to do with words, and indeed verbal language emerged only when man had lost a portion of his love, forgotten some of his identification with nature, so that he no longer understood its voice to be his also. In those early days man possessed a gargantuan arena for the expression of his emotions. He did not symbolically rage with the storms, for example, but quite consciously identified with them to such a degree that he and his tribesmen merged with the wind and lightning, and became a part of the storms’ forces. [...]

[...] In your terms, over a period of time he pulled his awareness in, so to speak; he no longer identified as he did before, and began to view objects through the object of his own body. He no longer merged his awareness, so that he learned to look at a tree as one object, where before he would have joined with it, and perhaps viewed his own standing body from the tree’s vantage point. [...]

[...] A man did not so much stand at the shore looking down at the water, as he immersed his consciousness within it. Man’s initial curiosity did not involve seeing, feeling, or touching the object’s nature as much as it involved a joyful psychic exploration in which he plunged his consciousness, rather than, say, his foot into the stream — though he did both.

[...] He could send his own consciousness swimming, so to speak, through many currents, in which other kinds of consciousness merged. [...] Man loved nature, identified with its many parts, and added to his own sense of being by joining into its power and identifying with its force.

[...] The child who gets the mumps with a large number of his classmates, however, knows he has his private reasons for joining into such a mass biological reality, and usually the adult who “falls prey” to a flu epidemic has little conscious awareness of his own reasons for such a situation. He does not understand the mass suggestions involved, or his own reasons for accepting them. He is usually convinced instead that his body has been invaded by a virus despite his own personal approval or disapproval — despite his own personal approval or disapproval (most emphatically). He is therefore a victim, and his sense of personal power is eroded.

When a person recovers from such an ordeal, he [or she] usually grants his recovery to be the result of the medication he has been given. [...] Usually the patient cannot see that he brought about his own recovery, and was responsible for it, because he cannot admit that his own intents were responsible for his own illness. He cannot learn from his own experience, then, and each bout of illness will appear largely incomprehensible.

[...] The child carries with him [or her] the impetus and supporting energy provided him at birth from Framework 2, and he knows intuitively that desires conducive to his development “happen” easier than those that are not. His natural impulses naturally lead him toward the development of his body and mind, and he is aware of a cushioning effect and support as he acts in accordance with those inner impulses. [...]

[...] He may be told that he has a virus, so that it seems his body itself was invaded despite his will. [...] It is easier to go along than to be honest, particularly when honesty would often involve a kind of communication his parents might frown upon, or the expression of emotions that are quite unacceptable.

Yet, I cannot completely be myself while within his system, since I am using his nervous system. [...] It is not possible for me to speak through him, now, without using his physical structure.

He is strongly accusing toward anything he regards as religious deceit, because of his experience you see, with several priests in the past. [...] He is deeply committed to his idea of truth and goodness. [...]

His potential for commitment is truly powerful. [...] He is being overly cautious, realizing the strength of his commitments. [...]

A definite strain therefore developed, particularly painful since it involved his work also, to which he has always been strongly committed. He recognized the value of our endeavors to his work. [...]

(John was in a rather upset and depressed mood, due to his job situation. His job was not in jeopardy, but John was restless and needed changes; at the same time he felt he was not the stereotype personality his company demanded for district managers, which position would be the next step up for John in the drug company for which he worked. [...] 2 date, in the 63rd session, pertaining to his profession, and that Seth also briefly mentioned John and his company in the 54th session. Now John is due in Chicago next week to meet with his superiors.

Philip cannot be different than he is, and any attempt at pretense will betray him, and not serve his purpose. His value to his company is appreciated by his superiors, and in the meeting which will take place, his stand as an individual is his main hope of success.

He should point out that his success so far, and his value, has been a direct result of his insistence upon following his own nature and acting upon his own ideas. His salesmanship has been the result of originality.

It is more than possible that he can achieve his ends and at the same time retain his integrity without blemish. I am indeed no businessman as such, and yet I know that true value speaks for itself, as his value to the company is on record.

For various reasons, the men in his family, his grandfather on his father’s side, whom he did not know, his maternal grandfather and his father, were highly independent, insisting upon working for themselves. [...]

[...] His own overexpectations, or rather unrealistic expectations concerning his book, and the mistakes he felt were connected with it, sensitized him, until he felt that outside money would be a permanent part of his life.

His father, in his old age, did have a job for others, as did Joe in his late years. [...]

He felt his own respect and yours, he must take a job, and a regular one— and for the reasons given this had highly unpleasant repercussions that led to symptoms of immobility. These symptoms further aggravated his fears of dependence, and in his worse moments he feared that he would become a cripple and you would leave him. [...]

[...] He thought that body and mind were two different things, that the body must be controlled for the sake of the mind, that his consciousness existed apart—in his head, say—with its own abilities, while his body had its own pursuits as apart from his own. [...]

Ruburt in his way felt in the same fashion. [...] After that, Ruburt felt that he must protect his ability, guarding it against the world, and even against any other tendencies that he felt might run counter to his ability. [...]

His creative spontaneous self created the body to begin with, and all of its physical desires were precisely those that his creative abilities needed—a quickness of body and mind working together, a quick perception mentally and physically, a natural exhilaration that is supported by (underlined) the power, of his own nature.

(10:20.) He overspecialized his ideas of creativity, for everything that comes to his attention is grist for the mill. As I said before, he must realize that it is safe and natural and good to express his being freely—not just a certain decided-upon portion of it. [...]

The area of concentration now however should be not upon the body but upon daily living, his writing and your plans. [...] Ruburt in his own way tried to escape poverty through the use of his brains, and he was afraid that that was not going to work either. Ruburt’s brains however gave him much more leeway than his mother’s beauty gave her, and his intellect came with a counterpart—an intuitional and psychic counterpart that enriched it and kept it from becoming bitter or even ingrown.

The development of his psychic abilities frightened him, for the very simple reason that in his mind a psychic did not have the same kind of status. The writing abilities were always one manifestation of his own strong psychic nature, however, and his growth as a personality required the merging of both if even the writer was to succeed. [...] (Intently.) His improvements are the natural result of a synthesis of personality and abilities and a reorganization of beliefs.

In his twenties he could well combine the idea of little money with his writing because he realized it might be that kind of profession, but he became frightened as the years passed. [...]

I want it understood that money was not the primary goal, that his early drive to escape his environment was based on the false idea that worth was dependent upon your status. [...]

I will tell you another of his secrets. In the past, though he knew that he exaggerated, when his legs were bothering him he automatically looked for the nearest available parking place when you were driving. [...] He felt it a sign of weakness on his part to even think of it, yet he also felt that on occasion you showed an annoying lack of sympathy or understanding, and at his worst moments he would feel that you purposely chose a place further away—that it was for his own good, you thought, that he face the humiliation in realizing in what poor condition he was. [...]

He feels therefore a strong division, in that his mind is acceptable, that you both value it, but that his body is unacceptable. On the other hand however, with his womanly characteristics, he wants to be stroked and physically loved, and when he is not he feels that you have divorced his body.

[...] He is deeply offended and outraged at any “invasion” into his own territory—the student who goes into his room at break, or the woman peeking at his notebook. This has to do with his feelings of late, of retreating from the main room. [...]

[...] He feels however that his body has been almost cursed by you both, and at its worst reaction he interprets fairly prolonged noncontact in the following terms: the way Christ cursed the fig tree, that it dare not bloom, that his body is forsaken by you both, unwanted, an orphan child, so that even his good looks as a woman are suspect.

[...] Your apartment hunting, because of its novelty, and his interest in decoration and arrangement, stirred his imagination in new way so took energy away from symptoms. [...] This added to his inner sense of mobility.

[...] The general overall condition of his body represents his general state of inner health. [...]

The twenty minutes of psycho-cybernetics should be particularly maintained when he is not feeling well, for in themselves they help him change his mood and give a breathing spell. [...] As a part of his routine it is an excellent automatic way of mental reconditioning. [...]

[...] From his vantage point it is a matter of when contact can best be made. [...] He realizes this about himself but he has not taken it into consideration in his calculations.

[...] The body is freeing itself, but greater freedom must be allowed as far as impulses are concerned, so that Ruburt can realize that his impulses are not threatening. A new balance is then set up between impulse and action, that will enrich his work as .well as accelerate the body’s flexibility. I want him to again become aware of his impulses, therefore, for physical action of any kind—whether he is at his table or not. His impulses will wisely provide creative inspiration and physical actualization, so that one adds to the other.

If Ruburt is allowing himself to be spontaneous, then he will spontaneously want to type his script, add to it, clean his house, go outside, see people sometimes, and not see them at other times. [...] The results with the arm this evening are a direct result of his writing down his feelings. [...] I want him then to work on his manuscript for two-and-a-half hours, and then to allow himself at least one-and-a-half hours of creative psychic and writing freedom.

Let him take a certain part of the day to type his manuscript, another part in which his creative time is free. His body, mind, spirit, will all exercise themselves together. [...]

(12:08.) Mainly I want him to follow his impulses—which will naturally fall into the lines I have suggested. He is not to feel threatened if while at his desk he feels like physical activity, for all in all his own rhythms will assert themselves. [...]

His body is becoming more responsive, and there is no reason why the improvements cannot smoothly accelerate. An attempt to creatively divert his thoughts will help, so he gives his body time to escape his notice.

[...] When Ruburt feels good by his standards, that is, in a good mood, relatively at peace, and in some kind of bodily ease, taking his situation into consideration, he should note that. [...] He should make an effort to forget his condition as much as possible, and so should you. [...]

[...] He gives his past self his current knowledge. [...]

I told him (emphatically) that the hot towels on the knees would help his eyes considerably, and his head. [...]

Once he became convinced of the validity of the psychic experience, and his abilities, then all playful attitudes deserted him. He grasped at it tenaciously, and added it to the then unchallenged work to which he had, until then, devoted his main attention.

(10:00.) The feelings prevented him from going ahead far enough to allow his psychic experience to answer some of his doubts, yet he was too convinced of the validity to drop the work.

[...] He believed enough however in his abilities and in his work to continue despite the deep dilemma.

As you know, Ruburt concentrates his energy and focus. [...]

Do not overlook the Saratoga connections of Timothy or Eleanor (Friede): for Ruburt this also provides a sense of continuity that had been lost, and a focus point in his life, a gathering-together point most necessary, that will serve to collect and even regenerate his energies. He will be known as an excellent writer in his own right, and as one who produces our material, which he will be in a position to give freely to the world.

Our material will give Timothy something to sink his teeth into, in ways that suit his particular fashion. [...]

[...] Ruburt’s psychic abilities, with my help, enable him to fulfill and develop his creative writing abilities. They never were intended to be dropped as far as his person is concerned.

[...] His characteristics were such that his energy would carry him beyond in all areas, if they carried him at all. [...]

[...] I am keeping up with his progress, and these hints for him are uniquely tailored for his present development. He will do well with his book. [...]

Here, for his own reasons, as given much earlier, he latched upon what he considered and interpreted as cautiousness on your part. You used to tell him (underline used) not to tell everyone his good news, for example, perhaps lest it did not develop. In his own way at that time (underlined), he picked up the habit of checking happy spontaneity, and he felt you were accusing if he displayed it, and in small ways began blocking. [...]

I told you that he was ready for a giant (underlined) improvement, and a necessary requirement was and is his recognition of the impulses that he has been denying or restricting. Getting up and down from the floor, as I knew it would, reawakened muscular memory, you see, and this in turn knocked at the door of his consciousness, jarring him into new recognitions. [...]

[...] Several times both morning and afternoon when he is at his desk. [...] He checks the impulses—now, he checks the natural impulse—to throw his arms out straight away. [...]

[...] Ida was afraid to see the psychologist again, for fear that therapy would throw up evidence of this feared evil thing, and Dick is afraid of writing poetry again lest the intuitions upset his life. He used meditation as a tranquilizer to dull his senses and mind, and not for understanding himself. Ruburt’s impulses gave birth to his poetry, to his writing, and to the freedom of his intellect and the heavy-handed discipline has always been impeding.

His behavior, however, led him of course to quite powerful emotional outbursts, which frightened him. Ida married him because she believed his educational status, and his Anglo-Saxon background, meant a step upward for herself and her children. [...]

(A note: Yet Bill told me of his troubles with golf this season, lamenting how he has problems getting any distance in his drives, speaking of taking some lessons and practice in an effort to improve his game. [...]

The artist’s standard of excellence is often the necessity of keeping his job, and he has to keep his job because he fears he is not after all a true artist, or he would be painting a great painting. And at work his art must be further distorted, it seems to him, by the ideas of salesmanship and advertising. [...]