“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(When I seemed exasperated when Jane asked me to do something for her, and dropped my notebook on the bed, she at once felt a strong fear that she’d exasperate me beyond bearing — that she couldn’t afford to get me mad at her. This at once led her to feeling that as a child it had been vital that she avoid the disapproval of others — her mother, Marie, especially. And even in college, the same thing. Jane feared that if she got Marie mad, Marie would get sick and die. Marie used to tell Jane it was her fault the mother was sick, and that it was also her fault that Jane’s grandmother died, and the housekeeper. “If you didn’t watch yourself,” Jane said, “you could get hurt yourself or hurt other people.”

(As Seth suggested we do yesterday, we tried free association today. It worked well, and came about spontaneously when I dropped my notebook on the bed when Jane asked me to get her water. I was tired and somewhat exasperated, and she picked this up from me immediately. It set off a chain of associations for her, and she pursued them while saying she was half embarrassed to mention them. Here are the brief notes I wrote as she talked:

[...] (Jane laughed, scrambling her syntax.) “I can’t pick it up, and for that reason it can get quite exasperating when I talk about it. [...]

(My own exasperation had shown through clearly at times, for it seemed that no matter what I did myself, or what anyone else did, my wife was just not going to be comfortable — not then, anyhow. [...]

[...] “A fond and exasperated good evening,” he began. “The exasperation comes because your good psychologist almost undermined the confidence I managed to give Ruburt in our session with your friend, Phillip. [...]

[...] Too exasperating!

(“I’ve got that damned question-and-answer thing going on inside my head,” she remarked now with some exasperation. [...]

A fond and somewhat exasperated good evening.

The exasperation comes because your good psychiatrist almost undermined the confidence that I managed to give Ruburt in our session with your friend Philip.

[...] He expected some understanding mixed perhaps with mild exasperation.

(Long pause, then with much subdued irony:) In exasperation some of you see nature as good and enduring, filled with an innocence and joy, while on the other hand you envision man as a bastard species, a blight upon the face of the earth, a creature bound to do everything wrong regardless of any strong good intent. [...]

[...] “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” I said, somewhat frustrated and exasperated.

[...] During break, we discussed what had been said and then somehow got to joking about a reincarnational drama-scene that Rob and I had played out a few months ago, in which he had apparently been a teacher of mine and an exasperatingly thorough record-keeper. [...]

“But why didn’t Seth just say ‘sales’?” I asked in exasperation.