“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

To paint paintings for joy was an act of defiance against your mother, and so you have punished yourself in several ways; by being overly concerned with their quality, insisting upon perfection, and by not making strong efforts to sell them or to work for recognition in that field.

(Long pause, eyes closed.) This session itself should aid your understanding enough to allow some improvement almost immediately in the condition itself. Two issues are involved. The painting was an act of defiance against your mother, an act of independence. She approved of the commercial art because it made money. Therefore if you made money through your paintings, then subconsciously you thought that your mother would still be getting her way. You see?

Not allowing yourself to make money through paintings also allowed you to punish yourself for what you considered this act of defiance. Two purposes in the main were served. This also affected your work itself to some degree, in that you sometimes inserted qualities in the paintings to hold people off, a remoteness.

Commercial work also still rankles. Beside other considerations you feel, subconsciously again, that you still serve your mother’s purposes: art for money, and that therefore your initial act of defiance and independence is not complete.

[...] In this regard the illness was almost a gesture of defiance against any who would put you down.

[...] Ruburt’s sudden desire to dance was also based upon desperation and defiance, which you recognized and reacted against.

The same unconventional defiance of official beliefs shown in the Air Force affair can indeed be translated into other terms. [...]

[...] He also liked to have the radio blaring as a gesture of defiance and freedom, and within limitations, this would be an aid when the windows are opened. [...]

(My thought of course is that gritting one’s teeth and plunging ahead with the new book in defiance of large portions of the personality may have unpleasant repercussions. [...]

[...] His defiance was finally aroused, a sense of personal worth rushed to the surface, a sense of independence, the feeling “Well if you wanted to leave him go ahead,” all of which released some pressure. [...]

“My own defiance is a peaceful one having to do with ideas. [...]

[...] But now my idea of great defiance was to miss a session, to go out and get a beer and let the psychologist go stare at his old vase or ink spot or whatever he’d chosen for that night’s test.

[...] Then, almost with a touch of defiance she added, “He’s not effeminate.” [...]