“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Jane spent one of her worst nights yet last evening: “It was pretty shitty.” She slept very poorly and was continuously restless. She took aspirin, sat up often, and even called me to rub her legs and backside when those areas bothered her much more than usual. Nothing helped much. She slept until 11 AM, then spent a very silent and depressed day moodwise. Her legs especially bothered her.

(“Incredible,” I said to myself, thinking about the daily struggle she now had to contend with just to do a few basic things like using the bathroom. Last night’s session was in my mind, of course. And I thought that years ago, [and with my own unwitting cooperation] Jane had given over control of her life in certain large ways to the Sinful Self through the symptoms—and yes, abjectly allowed it to exert such power and influence that now she finally found herself in the grip of a strong force, or set of beliefs. Why such a course of action, such a surrender, as I saw it? A little suffering in life—okay, I thought, considering the session last night—but this? She’d reached her limit in some areas, such as the bathroom.

(She was very glum and silent as she spent much time on the couch this afternoon and after supper. “Something’s got to be done,” she said. “I can’t take much more of this.” She herself suggested the session, then, and of course I agreed. I also told her I hadn’t forgotten about the list of 6 points I’d made for the deleted session of April 13, 1981. That seemed like ages ago now. The last of those points described our seeking medical help for her. To my mind at the moment, that course of action would be the “something to be done” if we failed to get enough help from these late sessions.

(Long pause.) It did not feel it was being given any satisfactory recognition, however. The main issues are the ones already given. You should discuss them together in the light of the sessions, and with understanding. They are involved with the importance and the nature and reliability of revelationary material and as it is related to a literal true-and-false interpretation.

Many issues once connected to that Sinful-Self core of belief have long ago either been satisfied, reconciled, or otherwise changed. (Long pause.) The feelings of panic represent any child’s fear of being abandoned by its parents or community if it is too rebellious. (Long pause.) Those feelings of panic are the ones that he has repressed, of course. They often represent humiliations, most often at his mother’s hands—humiliations that convinced him that he was indeed unlovable and bound for trouble.

(“It seems Jane can do little else.” I was thinking of her depressed response today to her symptoms. “She certainly wasn’t up to anything else, it seemed. She felt very bad.”)

Today was a day in which feelings became conscious and pervaded the emotional air, as if the mustiness from a suddenly opened closet door spread out into the living room. That kind of situation will soon be over, for it is a reaction —quite natural—on the first reopening of that door into past feelings.

In the last period of time Ruburt has also produced his material on Speaker manuscripts, for example, when his mood has been on an entirely different nature, when he was immersed in creativity, and he felt a sense of accomplishment. The same applies to the half-dozen or so small paintings.

Give us a moment.... (Long pause.).... I realize that you can only do so much, Joseph, but on a particularly troublesome night, if you would sit up, talk with Ruburt for perhaps 10 or 15 minutes, you could both shorten troublesome episodes to a considerable degree. This last period was intensified also since both of you were in the same mood at the same time. You must remember that the entire problem does indeed exist in a larger personal framework in which life and energy are abundantly and freely given.