“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Jane spent one of her worst nights yet last evening: “It was pretty shitty.” She slept very poorly and was continuously restless. She took aspirin, sat up often, and even called me to rub her legs and backside when those areas bothered her much more than usual. Nothing helped much. She slept until 11 AM, then spent a very silent and depressed day moodwise. Her legs especially bothered her.

(We were fairly sure her reactions stemmed from the barrage of material Seth has given us since we began this series of “crash” sessions last week, but that knowledge didn’t help her much today. Particularly apparent, I thought, would be effects from last night’s session, which I regard as excellent. This morning in bed Jane had thrashed and whimpered almost constantly while both sleeping and waking, unable to get comfortable. The panicky feelings wouldn’t allow that, though—they expressed themselves in waves just as they had last Monday and Wednesday mornings. I took this to mean that communication continued between her Sinful Self and other levels of her personality.

(“I don’t want another session,” Jane said. “I just want to watch some dumb old thing on television tonight and forget it all.”

(“Incredible,” I said to myself, thinking about the daily struggle she now had to contend with just to do a few basic things like using the bathroom. Last night’s session was in my mind, of course. And I thought that years ago, [and with my own unwitting cooperation] Jane had given over control of her life in certain large ways to the Sinful Self through the symptoms—and yes, abjectly allowed it to exert such power and influence that now she finally found herself in the grip of a strong force, or set of beliefs. Why such a course of action, such a surrender, as I saw it? A little suffering in life—okay, I thought, considering the session last night—but this? She’d reached her limit in some areas, such as the bathroom.

(At noon, as we ate, I asked her what she thought the Sinful Self might make of the Speaker manuscript material she’d been getting in recent days. Jane said she’d been wondering also.

(Seth started right off tonight with a rather surprising statement and a hopeful one too. Jane began speaking for him with unexpected vigor:)

(“It seems Jane can do little else.” I was thinking of her depressed response today to her symptoms. “She certainly wasn’t up to anything else, it seemed. She felt very bad.”)

(Seth nodded assent. I repeated my question about the Sinful Self’s opinion of Jane working on Speaker manuscripts.)