“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now: there are gradations, of course, to creativity. Certain important kinds of creativity demand incubation periods, during which the conscious mind cannot follow the inner processes. It goes its own way, concentrated in day-to-day reality, while the inner portions of the self amass great information, perhaps, try out new organizations, and utilize the inner senses. The “results” then emerge to the conscious mind, and you have inspiration, and a creative “product.”

Ruburt’s creativity not only involves that kind of behavior, but the mystic elements of the personality, meaning that the inner activity is very intense, so that Ruburt learned from a young age to develop a certain kind of secrecy. His poetry was largely mystical poetry, and though he did not dwell upon the fact, he realized that this vast inner reality of his was quite beside the point of living as far as other people were concerned.

To some extent, he tried to emulate their behavior—that is, to behave the way they did, while at the same time he intently pursued a rather adventuresome inner psychic existence. That existence was expressed in the personality, but not in the normal conversation with the boys he dated, or with his friends. In early years, the church did serve as a structure. When he left it, however, he was without such a structure, and when he did discuss such matters with the priests, they often had more pragmatic sexual interests in mind.

He became quite good at expressing this inner life regardless of other circumstances, and the situation at home, and he understood that it was at odds with what was expected. It was the most vital area of his life, so quite on his own he decided that he would forgo motherhood and a conventional family life.