“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Generalized body changes since the last session Saturday night: More loosening in neck, ligaments, chin and face area; walking is easier but still requires support – legs tremble and have trouble supporting weight, but knees move better. “Shitty,” Jane said with a rueful laugh. Right foot looser and looser, but no help walking. Head and back more flexible; eyes not quite so red—“in and out” of focus in a period of minutes, yet Jane could see to work part of the time today, as Seth suggested.)

Now when either of you, or both of you, feel that there might be something wrong in spending your time thinking, writing, painting, or worse, daydreaming, you feel that way because your way of life meets some conflict from old Darwinian and Freudian beliefs: you should be out there in the world—active, competing, or even just riding bicycles.

Your own behavior with your parents, with Ruburt, your attitudes toward your painting and outside jobs, Ruburt’s attitudes toward children, his work and you—all of these were so influenced. You set up defenses, privately and jointly, providing justifications, so that you could do your own thing, and “hold your head up” in the world of those beliefs. When you wanted to quit your job you became ill so that no one could blame you. That was years ago, when you were working full time. This would give you parental acceptance.

Illness is a face-saving device, socially, often occurring where private beliefs and feelings find irritation with mass beliefs. Our sessions began, and you managed to make other changes or compromises: you worked part time, and so did Ruburt. This had some advantages, but also many points of conflict. When either of you were offered jobs with advancement, you avoided them like the plague—idiotic behavior in Darwinian and Freudian terms.

(12:01.) You have learned much, but until lately you always interpreted your position in the light of Darwinian and Freudian concepts. You want the books to sell well. That is natural. Your natures however are not particularly competitive. There is no reason to feel that you should (underlined three times) “be out there selling books.” You naturally both concentrate on ideas. Left alone, that concentration will naturally seek expression, amplification, and might result in, say, if you wanted it, some tours. But many of your ideas there are your attempts to bring your work into Darwinian terms.