“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Some of this has been said before, but is necessary here nevertheless. In capsule form, then, Ruburt found himself born poor, female, and highly gifted. He determined to use those abilities.

Education was a practical tool. Ruburt sought out men who would not insist upon children. This also meant that they had certain slants of mind. These slants fit in with his artistic purposes as he understood them. Because he considered himself a writer, and because he considered a writer something different from a woman, it was difficult for him to realize that he was both.

None of this would particularly show in terms of symptoms until Ruburt began to sell. Then the tool was perfected. The abilities were put to the purpose of protecting him from the hostile world, serving as economic sustenance. It became his duty to repress spontaneous feelings that might lead him astray. Before, those found expression in his dealings with the outside world—but those dealings, he felt, were no longer necessary.

Now all of this was built upon certain levels of consciousness and beliefs—a unifying structure. As mentioned, in the past at least your actions were ambiguous enough to fit in. The environment at 458 was safe. Ruburt was there working—just as the doctors and insurance men and dentists were. The move here (to 1730) was a good one, because it exploded that framework. Your suggestions of late are taking effect. There are significant muscular changes. The summer, with its implications of vacation, was added, however, as he knew it would be; so the structure of working was further evaded, it seemed particularly by warm weather, which inclination did not happen to fit his ideas of scheduled work.

He further unstructured, shaking up his consciousness by not sleeping. Clearly, he saw that he worked or slept, and allowed himself little freedom between. Lest he be tempted by his new house, he felt poorly, even for him, yet he saw through what he was doing, and he has begun an awakening of consciousness that is now in the process. Last night’s dreams show this. He awakened from the nightmare of immobility, and found himself on “the road to freedom” with you. I want a Wednesday night session, if you do not mind—