“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(10:05.) Now: it is obvious to you that Ruburt uses his symptoms to control his spontaneity, to mete it out, so to speak. You would never take on such symptoms. You should by now understand some of your own characteristics. They are like Ruburt’s, only a different mixture. You have often tried to control your painting, rather than to let it go through you onto the canvas. And precisely when you come to a point of sudden spontaneity in work, then you use the matter of distractions to slow you down. You seize upon them because you do not trust your own spontaneity in your work.

(10:20.) “I can be free and spontaneous in my painting. I can let my ability flow outward through my fingertips and brush, so that I create an entirely new reality upon the board.”

You also have ideas of guilt about your painting that are culturally induced. Again, you recognize them, but you do not try to rise above them emotionally. The painting does not bring in money, so to punish yourself you do not enjoy it sufficiently—but concentrate upon the distractions instead. You do your financial part with the books, but you still tie in your social identity with your painting, and to some extent you still feel that that social identity is dependent upon the money your “art” should produce, so you punish yourself by not enjoying your painting time. This also impedes your spontaneity in painting, of course.

(10:42.) Great talent requires great spontaneity. Neither of you really believe it. You put up barriers to protect the creative self from the exterior world, which you fear would destroy it, and from the interior world, for left alone the creative self might just slam paint upon a canvas without discipline, or might show more than we are willing to show. We do not trust ourselves to spontaneously develop our own technique. Spontaneity knows its own order. Order springs from spontaneity, and spontaneity from order.