“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

The sportsman that you might have been would have gathered, from that same available background, other attitudes and ideas that would fit in with his concept of himself, and fit his core focus. The (childhood) camping background served as rich source material, to be used in any way you chose. The sportsman, the writer or the artist—any of them would utilize that background differently, but well, and in such a way that it was particularly suited.

Your father’s creativity, as mentioned (in other sessions), before, had its side of secrecy, privacy and aloneness. Again as mentioned, you identified creativity with your father’s private nature. The writing self became latent as the sportsman did, yet the writer self and the artist were closely bound. You felt conflicts at times. It never occurred to you that the two aspects could release one another—one illuminating the other—and both be fulfilled. Instead you saw them, basically now, as conflicting. Time spent writing meant time not spent painting.

Because you saw yourself with such specialized focus, unknowingly you blocked out stimuli that as a painter you could have used. Because of your joint ideas—you, the artist, Ruburt the writer—then your financial contribution was strictly limited by both of you to that one field.

Because of that specialized, limited focus, however, to varying degrees each of you were divided within yourselves. Ruburt feared that the psychic work conflicted with the writer, and detracted from you in your focus as an artist. This was apparent in the most minute circumstances, and colored your lives. Did Ruburt feel like making love during your working hours in earlier years, you actively discouraged him, and told him through actions and words that displays of innocent affection turned you on sexually, and disturbed you when you wanted to paint.

He had no sportsman-like background; on the contrary, a lack of ordinary physical orientation and interaction. His identification with the importance of the mind, then, and his focus as a writer, allowed him to inhibit physical motion in a way you would not have done. The dancing represents Ruburt’s end of the sportsman proposition—his gymnastics.

Ruburt’s writing abilities have blossomed because of his psychic experience. Your painting abilities have also. You have not acknowledged that because the paintings have not brought money; you did not want to believe they were valuable, for fear someone would take them away. In a strange manner, you saw to it that your abilities found precisely the elements that would release them, yet your ideas of the writer and the artist prevented you from seeing this.

In this framework you see yourselves as individuals and as partners in a remarkable creative endeavor that will develop your main abilities easily, and without strain and inhibition. The correspondence has suffered because it has represented your attitudes toward people. As a writer, Ruburt resented the time. As a psychic and incidentally the person, he wanted to answer. The mail also represented business—people who buy books. Inquiries for help, to both of you, represented distractions, those who would take your time, in the old terms, and give nothing.

Before this Ruburt considered anything not writing a danger, a threat, or at least felt it a distraction to himself as a writer. He considered such things as a threat to you as an artist.