“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Your father’s creativity, as mentioned (in other sessions), before, had its side of secrecy, privacy and aloneness. Again as mentioned, you identified creativity with your father’s private nature. The writing self became latent as the sportsman did, yet the writer self and the artist were closely bound. You felt conflicts at times. It never occurred to you that the two aspects could release one another—one illuminating the other—and both be fulfilled. Instead you saw them, basically now, as conflicting. Time spent writing meant time not spent painting.

You believed the painting self had to be protected. For one reason, you identified your painting creative self with your father, and you felt that he had had to protect his creative self in the household from your mother. As these ideas became entrenched, you actually became more concerned with protecting your ability than with using it. You spent more mental energy setting up barriers to protect it, so that any one instance, say, of interruption or conflict, would immediately arouse the power of the buried fear, and become a symbol for it. You learned repression. Therefore, free time was not enjoyed creatively. You could not paint freely in it, for you were so on guard against distractions that anything could distract you.

Ruburt felt he had to protect his writing abilities in the same manner, except that he is by nature more gregarious. He was also poorer than you, and determined never to be so again. The fact that you were not making much money in the framework the two of you accepted, led him to work the harder, determined to publish his work.

After vocally and otherwise objecting for a good eight years, he stopped outwardly objecting. For one thing, he began to agree with you. For another, he was too “proud” to be so humiliated. Did he spontaneously want company, he felt this deeply disloyal to you. He began to discipline himself more and more, trying to fit your image to himself. There were obviously reasons why, on his part, and these, in the past, have been covered. I am speaking of interactions, not blame.

Now. The psychic work, which is a natural extension of both of your creative abilities, could not be fully utilized by you, individually or jointly, while you maintained such a rigid, specialized focus. Ruburt feared that it might be taking you from your one true purpose as a painter. Not realizing, either of you, your financial contribution through the works, you felt and so did he, after Artistic, that he carried the brunt financially.

He felt that in the world’ s eyes this put you down, since your paintings were not selling. At the same time he could not accept your legitimate financial contribution through the work because he felt that might betray you as an artist. His job then was to encourage you to paint and sell your paintings, for he felt nothing else would satisfy you, and/or satisfy your brothers or your family.

At the same time, and somewhat because of your attitudes, he felt his womanly reality a threat to both of you as artists. A new organization is more than in the making. It is happening on both of your parts, and I am bringing it to the surface of your attention.

Before this Ruburt considered anything not writing a danger, a threat, or at least felt it a distraction to himself as a writer. He considered such things as a threat to you as an artist.