“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Ruburt saw himself as a writer, and judged himself through that focus, and other accomplishments that did not rigidly adhere to that focus were not considered successes, or even were jealously regarded as detriments. It is far more obvious now in Ruburt’s case than in your own. Because of this, however, he was never sure whether or not you resented the time spent in this work—the sessions.

(“I never did resent it.” We had talked about this at times, of course, but now I thought I saw a new angle to things, and felt hope; where before I had thought there were no new angles....)

Viewing you as he viewed himself, using the same logic, he was afraid however that basically you felt our work a detriment to your own, and that its success, while pleasing you on the one hand, might prevent you from success as an artist because you would not have the time, and that you would basically resent it. You always encouraged him in our work, and he knew this. Still, your part in it conflicted with his ideas of you and what you wanted.

You are each far more consciously aware consciously of the course you have chosen, individually and together, than you realize. All along the way there were many choices that each of you made, leading to your present position. As you mentioned following your parents’ deaths, there was a sense of aloneness. It is because Ruburt always felt that aloneness that he has in his own way tried to serve both of your purposes at the same time. (I felt bad for Jane’s aloneness.)

He wanted you to have what you wanted to have. He considered your painting—and much that he has done has been on your behalf as well as his own. It may seem, as you say, that he did not take your feelings into consideration—as no man wants, on that level, to see his wife at all incapacitated. But in his own way, and no matter how misguided, he was trying to pace himself and his temperament with yours, to play up those mental writing abilities that would help his career, and in which you took such pride—and while doing that, play down qualities that might distract you from your own work, by encouraging physical activities—parties, vacations, travelings, that would further take up your time, when you were already taking time away from your art to help him in psychic work.

The concentration would also provide financial fruits. He would not be making money for both of you that would enable you to paint, etc., but losing it, if he allowed himself the freedom to run all over the place, take vacations, etc. He thought he was buying you time, and for himself as well.

The same applies to Ruburt. Your relationship is used as a model by others, people who have found in their adulthood no way as yet to relate to their mate in a meaningful manner—(humorously:) regardless of how many times they do it a month.

(“Yes.” At the time I thought Seth meant my nonphysical survival. Now I see the statement can apply to physical survival also.)

When such an improvement of attitude does occur on Ruburt’s part, it takes considerable courage for him to take or initiate that first step—and you do not ease the way, but in the meantime go along until he makes such a suggestion first. When you finally do both go out, at the most two or three times in a row, something happens. What could it be?

Ruburt enjoys himself in the face of his condition. He is revitalized. He tries his best under the circumstances to look his perkiest, to have fun. He wants to dance, and he tries, and he does. Then all of a sudden you say, Joseph, “You are not any better. What good does it do to go out?” before you have allowed enough time, and without even acknowledging that Ruburt has lost his fear, which is the most important point of all (and which I haven’t realized)—for from that all else will follow.

I would like to see regular sessions again also. It is now for each of you to say, how many times a week. You will be provided for spiritually, physically and financially, as individually and jointly you accept the selves that you are and the work in which you are involved. Ruburt should also read our last session again, and I bid you a fond good evening. I will have remarks on helper, and other related material, at our next session.