“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(This is the first session since the deleted one of January 7, which was held just before the script for Personal Reality came back to us. Since then Jane has become noticeably worse in her symptoms. Today she told me that she had become very frightened. I had noticed the changes, of course, and became very despairing. Today I described the question in my mind as I fell asleep last night: With such a situation developing, why hadn’t she at least asked—let alone demanded—sessions, in order to find out what was going on? Of course I often have such thoughts, and have often been completely baffled by her behavior in this regard; I said I thought the fact that we were busy—even more so than usual—should have nothing to do with holding off on such a need. I also said I must have responsibility for her symptoms in ways I still don’t understand.)

Both of you have seen yourselves in the past in a rather specialized light, and interpreted your success, or lack of it, or progress or lack of it, in one particular area only; and you had at least, each of you, a tendency to view the other in the same manner, though this was far more emphasized on Ruburt’s part. So you thought of yourself as an artist, primarily, and judged your success, or lack of it, through that focus, and generally through that focus only.

Viewing you as he viewed himself, using the same logic, he was afraid however that basically you felt our work a detriment to your own, and that its success, while pleasing you on the one hand, might prevent you from success as an artist because you would not have the time, and that you would basically resent it. You always encouraged him in our work, and he knew this. Still, your part in it conflicted with his ideas of you and what you wanted.

(A question: But Jane has been having at least one weekly session—in ESP class.... She needs more?)

When they do emerge, those impulses, he is the one who, after having conquered the earlier fears, finally, hesitantly trying to test his courage, suggests such an endeavor. In the meantime, you (strongly) have never made such a suggestion, nor attempted to arouse him. You say instead to yourself “It is too difficult,” or “It is no longer fun,” or “It is not worth it.”