“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Viewing you as he viewed himself, using the same logic, he was afraid however that basically you felt our work a detriment to your own, and that its success, while pleasing you on the one hand, might prevent you from success as an artist because you would not have the time, and that you would basically resent it. You always encouraged him in our work, and he knew this. Still, your part in it conflicted with his ideas of you and what you wanted.

You are each far more consciously aware consciously of the course you have chosen, individually and together, than you realize. All along the way there were many choices that each of you made, leading to your present position. As you mentioned following your parents’ deaths, there was a sense of aloneness. It is because Ruburt always felt that aloneness that he has in his own way tried to serve both of your purposes at the same time. (I felt bad for Jane’s aloneness.)

He wanted you to have what you wanted to have. He considered your painting—and much that he has done has been on your behalf as well as his own. It may seem, as you say, that he did not take your feelings into consideration—as no man wants, on that level, to see his wife at all incapacitated. But in his own way, and no matter how misguided, he was trying to pace himself and his temperament with yours, to play up those mental writing abilities that would help his career, and in which you took such pride—and while doing that, play down qualities that might distract you from your own work, by encouraging physical activities—parties, vacations, travelings, that would further take up your time, when you were already taking time away from your art to help him in psychic work.

For many reasons, the body uses the extra energy that is available in sessions. Ruburt is using his natural abilities and the fulfillment helps physically.

Ruburt will progress so far, then progress stops. This results from both of your attitudes and behavior. I will give you an example. After Ruburt has not been out publicly for a while—to a bar or restaurant—or met people, he becomes frightened. In his mind he sees people looking at him. He sees himself as an eyesore, and wants to hide. Then, utilizing our sessions, he begins to improve. Impulses arise again to go out—for dinner, to mix with others, to a bar.

When they do emerge, those impulses, he is the one who, after having conquered the earlier fears, finally, hesitantly trying to test his courage, suggests such an endeavor. In the meantime, you (strongly) have never made such a suggestion, nor attempted to arouse him. You say instead to yourself “It is too difficult,” or “It is no longer fun,” or “It is not worth it.”

Ruburt enjoys himself in the face of his condition. He is revitalized. He tries his best under the circumstances to look his perkiest, to have fun. He wants to dance, and he tries, and he does. Then all of a sudden you say, Joseph, “You are not any better. What good does it do to go out?” before you have allowed enough time, and without even acknowledging that Ruburt has lost his fear, which is the most important point of all (and which I haven’t realized)—for from that all else will follow.

Whenever his confidence is built up to even a small degree, and he shows signs of wanting to go to your joints, then you call the tune, and he lets you. He lets you because he is afraid he has indeed gone too far, and believes that is as far as you want him to go—for all of the reasons given earlier.

You withdraw your support at that point, you find all kinds of reasons, rationalizations, and you withdraw all enthusiasm, so that you effectively inhibit his enthusiasm, so hard won. Then you say “It is no fun to go out,” and it does indeed become too hard for him if you are not going to enjoy it. (Forcefully.)