“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(This is the first session since the deleted one of January 7, which was held just before the script for Personal Reality came back to us. Since then Jane has become noticeably worse in her symptoms. Today she told me that she had become very frightened. I had noticed the changes, of course, and became very despairing. Today I described the question in my mind as I fell asleep last night: With such a situation developing, why hadn’t she at least asked—let alone demanded—sessions, in order to find out what was going on? Of course I often have such thoughts, and have often been completely baffled by her behavior in this regard; I said I thought the fact that we were busy—even more so than usual—should have nothing to do with holding off on such a need. I also said I must have responsibility for her symptoms in ways I still don’t understand.)

You are each far more consciously aware consciously of the course you have chosen, individually and together, than you realize. All along the way there were many choices that each of you made, leading to your present position. As you mentioned following your parents’ deaths, there was a sense of aloneness. It is because Ruburt always felt that aloneness that he has in his own way tried to serve both of your purposes at the same time. (I felt bad for Jane’s aloneness.)

In a different way, you both react as far as love-making is concerned. You each have an odd ingrown idea that writers and artists exist somehow apart from their personhood. They may be tortured or agonized like ordinary human beings, but they cannot be fulfilled like ordinary human beings—they cannot have friends or share confidences, or let down their hair with each other. They must somehow dwell alone and apart.