“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

You are each far more consciously aware consciously of the course you have chosen, individually and together, than you realize. All along the way there were many choices that each of you made, leading to your present position. As you mentioned following your parents’ deaths, there was a sense of aloneness. It is because Ruburt always felt that aloneness that he has in his own way tried to serve both of your purposes at the same time. (I felt bad for Jane’s aloneness.)

He wanted you to have what you wanted to have. He considered your painting—and much that he has done has been on your behalf as well as his own. It may seem, as you say, that he did not take your feelings into consideration—as no man wants, on that level, to see his wife at all incapacitated. But in his own way, and no matter how misguided, he was trying to pace himself and his temperament with yours, to play up those mental writing abilities that would help his career, and in which you took such pride—and while doing that, play down qualities that might distract you from your own work, by encouraging physical activities—parties, vacations, travelings, that would further take up your time, when you were already taking time away from your art to help him in psychic work.

The concentration would also provide financial fruits. He would not be making money for both of you that would enable you to paint, etc., but losing it, if he allowed himself the freedom to run all over the place, take vacations, etc. He thought he was buying you time, and for himself as well.

Some of this he is aware of, but all of it was based upon the specializations, the private focuses through which both of you have a tendency to view your lives. You, Joseph, are beloved by many people you do not know. You have enriched their lives, through the notes, through your part in our work. People who are strangers to you consciously feel better because you exist. That is the kind of success that matters.

I suggest you read the session I gave concerning the importance of the person from which the artist or writer springs. I suggest also that Ruburt read it especially. All of the individual and joint inhibitions you have placed upon yourselves spring directly from those specialized versions of yourselves.

(This is all too true....)

Ruburt enjoys himself in the face of his condition. He is revitalized. He tries his best under the circumstances to look his perkiest, to have fun. He wants to dance, and he tries, and he does. Then all of a sudden you say, Joseph, “You are not any better. What good does it do to go out?” before you have allowed enough time, and without even acknowledging that Ruburt has lost his fear, which is the most important point of all (and which I haven’t realized)—for from that all else will follow.

Whenever his confidence is built up to even a small degree, and he shows signs of wanting to go to your joints, then you call the tune, and he lets you. He lets you because he is afraid he has indeed gone too far, and believes that is as far as you want him to go—for all of the reasons given earlier.

You withdraw your support at that point, you find all kinds of reasons, rationalizations, and you withdraw all enthusiasm, so that you effectively inhibit his enthusiasm, so hard won. Then you say “It is no fun to go out,” and it does indeed become too hard for him if you are not going to enjoy it. (Forcefully.)