“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

I suggest, if this will do me any good, that both of you take the work involved and find those sessions and finally put them to use. I told you that he felt emotionally deprived, whether or not this seemed logical—that he felt uncherished, whether or not that seemed logical.

In the face of this he threw even greater determination into his work and his “success” (in quotes), to make up for what he felt as other deficiencies. All areas became therefore more sensitive. Blame was projected by him upon other areas, because only when he allowed his thoughts to really surface would he blame you in any way. And when he did he felt guilty because he knew that you did (underlined) love him.

He felt emotionally deprived regardless. In your own background you learned to voice silent disapproval. It became a defense mechanism. He kept the symptoms for several reasons—and again, all given—to preserve what relationship you had, for one thing.

He felt that for all your talk you wanted him to discipline spontaneity in a way basically impossible for him, that to release it in physical terms would mean two dangers: You would find him unbearable; and his sexuality released, would then demand fulfillment. He feared he would look elsewhere. You schooled yourself not to display emotion of a warm, spontaneous, happy nature, and he needs that kind of display.

Self-protection kept you from doing so. Your love for him in the beginning was strong enough to release you to some degree, so he knew it was in you. He felt it, and he was furious after the taste of it to have it for any reason withheld.

As he told you, he fought for it. You had arguments and reconciliations. After a point his stubbornness was aroused, and he felt that you wanted him to beg for what should be his. Now all the connecting material has been given, and presented in different ways.

The words meant little. On the other hand he almost would have settled for the words. The balance for him changed. Where you two had been emotionally allied, he felt you were on the other side. As he must watch himself before the world, he must watch himself before you.

You were the one who could really hurt him if he let go, by your rejection of his emotional dimensions, he felt. He felt you only accepted certain portions of him. Others would not be accepted, and you would run from them.

The body cried out to be touched. It said “I am not being nourished.” He kept trying to get your attention with the symptoms while using them to protect himself at the same time, unless he saw signs of the particular warmth and acceptance he needed. He felt he could not afford to let the symptoms go unless he was willing to give you up entirely, and he would not do that.

Whenever he began to improve some of these issues would become quite clear and obvious. On some ways the two apartments, he felt, were an honest symbol of your relationship. When he annoyed you by thrashing about in bed, this was of course what the thrashing about in bed was supposed to do—remind you of his presence there.

He felt you did not want him to get well, because you would then have these problems to consider, and they bothered you. On one hand then, he did not want you to have to contend with them, particularly if he could take the tension. There was however simultaneously great resentment: “How sick do I have to get before you will come back to me, and how can I be sure of it?”

This was still however you see quite selfish, in that you are the person he wants. He was willing to do it. He is not looking for an endless adolescent love affair, but in his terms (underlined) the simple emotional creature love, support, that he felt you must, because of your nature, largely withhold.

He tried to show you his love, but finally he became ashamed of needing you, and felt even that you thought less of him because of it. It bothered and annoyed you, since it was a demand, and he did not believe in demands, and one that brought problems up within you.

(11:25. Jane’s trance had been good. “I’m about as weak as water,” she said. “Not only that, I feel like throwing up.” She didn’t, but she definitely felt sick. I told her it was because of the data in the session. We had asked for the session yesterday, in light of what had come to the surface regarding our problems in previous days this week. We felt we had learned much.