“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

As mentioned, the far contact point is somewhat more manageable for you than for Ruburt, but affects you nevertheless. You do not dare allow your intuitions full reign even when you paint at such times for fear that they will carry up with them these repressed feelings.

Now give us a moment. When the point is reached of which I had just spoken, your objectivity comes foremost in your work at the expense of spontaneity. Remember some time ago I mentioned your feeling about oils and the emotions. This is in keeping you see with the fact that you felt more threatened than Ruburt at those boundary-near-contact points. At such times you became more alarmed working with your oils and colors, and wanted a retreat, and sought for greater distance in your paintings.

When you closed off and retreated to compensate, you came closer to the people with whom you work, enjoying their safer emotional contact. It was not threatening, you see. At the same time you adopted a more hard line in your relationship with those in the family, trying to avoid all emotional situations which might trigger a release of the repressed feelings.

This would cause considerable panic on your part. On the other hand of course Ruburt also expected you to come up with and initiate the noncontact behavior when he felt that your relationship was getting too close for comfort, that his physical love for you might lead him some time to neglect consciously or unconsciously proper contraceptive behavior.

He would have become instantly alarmed had you not then begun to retreat. This has been a highly formal, ritualized behavior pattern, a psychological dance, so formalized on a subconscious level that it left little leeway for spontaneity, and threatened to freeze you both in highly unconscious regimented behavior. He was to keep you from getting too far apart. You were to keep you from getting too close, and when certain automatic points were approached you both went into your act. For some time the behavior worked. The spontaneity was gradually squeezed out to such a degree that it lost its workability, and both of you were beginning to consider making adjustments. You did not understand the pattern, however. You ran into the invisible danger points and reacted in the old ways.

He then got into the habit of checking the spontaneous self at every point, and setting up opposing muscular reactions and tensions. It was simply not possible for me to give you more information at that time than I could. It was precisely, you see, the relationship between spontaneity and discipline operating between yourselves, that was projected upon the sessions, and inhibited any spontaneous comments I could make.

This in itself has led you away from stereotyped portraits, and you could have fallen into that trap with your background in comics. There you see you avoided facing the ordinary human portrait through figures that were actually not as such individual, but types or even caricature. At that time in your development you were afraid of emotions in art to such a degree that you chose in comics to deal with stereotypes rather than individual characters, to follow rigid patterns.

For our next few sessions I will work on our book, do a few chapters, and then if you prefer take some time out for reincarnational material, so that it does not go by the board.

Hopefully Ruburt should have his period within about six days.If he does not, then he will have it at the next regular time.