“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

This occurred precisely when you had strong doubts as to whether or not you should stay on the job, and strongly considered it would be best to leave. When you think of leaving you come face to face with the same conflict, for she wanted you to succeed as a commercial artist.

It also serves by giving you another message—that you do want to leave, and that your desire to do so has been affecting your work. If you had to stay, and if you will not be given as much money as you think you should receive, then you will see to it that the work will suffer. This is resentment.

The job has served to keep you from realizing that. (True.) In writing the difficulty shows itself because you are trying not to communicate certain things to yourself. In other words, inhibited material, some that I have mentioned this evening that you have been thrusting aside. You have not wanted to know these things, considering that that they were beneath you, and strongly condemning any feelings that you could not accept as adult. And after your own lectures to Ruburt you should know better.

You were more affected by your friend’s (Curtis Kent) departure than you realize, wondering if you yourself should find a better-paying commercial job, and yet angry that you even had such thoughts when what you really wanted was to stay home and paint.