“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

There was also an implied threat involved. You were trying to force yourself and yet punish yourself. Your mother was in the background here. You were trying to punish yourself for not making more money as an artist, since you still felt her old demands.

At the same time you threatened yourself with the possibility of complete failure as an artist, almost in retaliation. (Pause, one of many through here.) You would not (underlined) be a full time commercial artist, regardless of any old demands, though you felt still somewhat guilty at your refusal.

The tremor represented guilt here, but also a threat, for you thought: before I will do this full time for money, my hand would fail. The tremor served two purposes in this respect. Your mother, incidentally, has largely given up focusing upon your artistic career in any way. She now simply wishes, as Ruburt knows, that you had taken up another profession. (And as I know now.)

It is simply a portion of you that she does not understand. To her it is a weapon that you have to force money from others, and a weapon you will not use. The word weapon is important here, for she believes that money must be forced from some unfriendly source.

Now. The exercises in spontaneity on your part will help to improve the hand condition, for you have been tampering here.

Your painting technique is excellent. Further important developments here will be intuitive flashes as to how the technique may be used. Trust yourself to plunge fully into large endeavors in your work, and do not be afraid of making errors.