“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

You felt hardly strong enough to handle your own fears, and could not bear the thought that she might need your help also. Now even in her position, she made efforts to get across to you, and bridges that could cross her own fear to you, but you were not able to meet her because you feared the chasm of despair within yourself.

(To Sue:) Now. You have felt for a long time that you were between the devil and the deep blue sea. That you had a mind and a womb, and that somehow the two did not go together. Regardless of past-life influences, which did exist, and granting some other interior reasons, you had a child to prove that you were a woman both to your mother and to yourself.

(To Carl:) Now this was a poor-enough bargain for her to make, but for you to add to it in her mind, to demand that she prove this womanhood daily with the dishes or the housework or whatever, was too much for her to bear, and she felt doubly betrayed by you and by herself.

She showed you early in the game, in unconscious terms, that she could be a woman with the child. This was to let you know that she was whole and womanly, to settle that question for good. Then you would be free to accept her as a person. When it seemed that you did not do this, she was not willing to make more concessions, for she felt there were no more she could make.

You have not felt that you succeeded at anything. You have not felt that you manipulated well in physical reality, in the world as it is, and to some extent you hated both the world and yourself for this. So you think that the world does not want you to succeed, and that the world, or the establishment, is out to get you. Instead you are afraid that regardless of their opinion, you cannot (underlined) succeed at all in the world as it is.

Part of this is a result of your relationship with your father. When you were very young he frightened you. You felt him very powerful, aggressive, and unreasonably so in his behavior. It did not seem to you that you could become as strong as you felt him to be then—that whatever you did you would fall short.

There was a certain quality in him that held a hidden cruelty, of which you were frightened. Emotionally you also went out to your mother, but you felt that she was dependent upon him, and weaker, and so to some extent you were afraid of your own feelings toward her.

Your father cut out his own world, you felt, in his house and in the wilderness, comparatively speaking, but at the same time because you feared him so you did not really feel he wanted you to do the same no matter what he said—because to prove yourself a better man would automatically destroy him.