“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

I knew it was approaching, and I gave you all the hints that I could in the past. I was not allowed to speak but in the most opaque of terms.

Your combined emotional state amounts to an atmosphere, highly charged, through which I must penetrate. I have done my best, and yet I highly regret I could do so little. The blockage was not only Ruburt’s, but your own. It was an emotional shield, and I gave you all the hints I could.

You knew that the sessions were highly beneficial, and you were convinced of my own legitimacy. It was indeed because you were so convinced that you envied Ruburt’s part. While you asked Ruburt to let me give you help for Ruburt’s condition, for some time the symptoms’ continuation was important to you for the reasons you now understand.

Your friend’s invitation was a direct answer to your need, which was telepathically received. The way, in other words, was provided. Such a change, drastic and complete, would have resulted in a shock to your own psychic system as well as Ruburt’s.

Ruburt indeed felt attacked, but he would not fight against you, you see. He fought, but without ever daring face what it was he was fighting. Conditions in his own past prepared him for this docility, for which indeed his mother ridiculed him frequently; and yet the symptoms themselves, you see, were a way to fight you. For if he suffered because of them, he knew that you would also suffer, until finally you would have to admit the truths that could set you both free.

This is the result of his intimate knowledge of what it is to be so hurt, connected with the mother experience. Therefore in this situation he would fight back but he could not hurt you. This did not leave him with much room. You did leave him with some however, for the symptoms themselves were the means that would bring you to these realizations. And he knew underneath that it would only go so far before you would realize what was happening. He did not know where the point was however.

Ruburt would have continued to work, though physically quite incapacitated. These conditions however would not likely have resulted. You both had something very strong working for you, still strong enough to help, and that was the creative intuitive nature, which would have in one way or another made the facts plain.

He did not work on his book, incidentally, because he felt you did not want him to. (Long pause.) You resented it when he began typing some of the sessions. (I thought this was my idea: RFB.) You felt he was trying to deprive you further of your part. He felt particularly poor at your parents because there he felt under combined attack. He does have a natural aggressiveness also however, and a rebellious nature.

He has been afraid of directing either outward for fear of hurting others. (Long pause.) He must learn to handle normal aggressions, and yet when he is operating spontaneously his natural exuberance is a mechanism for such release. (Long pause.) He was aware of your feelings. He felt that any success of his was a threat to you. (Long pause.)

This was the beginning of your jealousy, and he picked it up.

(There was an interruption while I let Catherine in; he had been scratching at the door. Yes, Catherine is a male cat.)

Ruburt’s arms, now—he wanted to rock himself in comfort. (Jane cradled her arms in this characteristic gesture.) The elbows then bent, straining toward this position, representing a need for comfort, and the attempt to comfort himself. The fingers, connected with his work… Here he refused to budge. They could have been so bad he could not type, and this he did not allow. They still represented his feeling that his writing was a threat to you, and were a reminder of the whole situation. They were also fat however, for he still considered them powerful in regards to his work.

Symbolically now, you transformed the subconscious feelings into the sparkling temperas. Working with the meticulous temperas, you actually worked out inner problems in a way that was not frightening, and gave you a sense of challenge and accomplishment.