“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Ruburt therefore, sensing this, and abnormally sensitive to your wishes at this time, would not let the sessions be used to wound you, and bent his efforts to block such material. You also put up resistance because of your jealousy. The combined efforts held any help I could give to a minimum.

This contest between you had much to do with Ruburt’s fear in obtaining reincarnational material that could perhaps be checked. He felt you did not want him to succeed here, and that despite what you said, for you always verbally encouraged him, you did not want him to receive clairvoyant checkable material. You were jealous of his rather limited projection attempts, and he stopped them for this reason.

As far as the sessions were concerned, he felt for some time that you demanded them, and on the other hand resented his part in them. You were also pleased with the sessions on quite another level, and on this level honestly accepted Ruburt’s part in them, although you still wished this part were played by yourself.

Ruburt indeed felt attacked, but he would not fight against you, you see. He fought, but without ever daring face what it was he was fighting. Conditions in his own past prepared him for this docility, for which indeed his mother ridiculed him frequently; and yet the symptoms themselves, you see, were a way to fight you. For if he suffered because of them, he knew that you would also suffer, until finally you would have to admit the truths that could set you both free.

He knew that he would never do this. There is a strange, indeed rock-bottom refusal here, on his part to hurt anyone deeply, for whatever reason. It is impossible for his personality therefore to do anything he feels (underlined) would hurt the one person in the world with whom he feels close.

This is the result of his intimate knowledge of what it is to be so hurt, connected with the mother experience. Therefore in this situation he would fight back but he could not hurt you. This did not leave him with much room. You did leave him with some however, for the symptoms themselves were the means that would bring you to these realizations. And he knew underneath that it would only go so far before you would realize what was happening. He did not know where the point was however.

He did not work on his book, incidentally, because he felt you did not want him to. (Long pause.) You resented it when he began typing some of the sessions. (I thought this was my idea: RFB.) You felt he was trying to deprive you further of your part. He felt particularly poor at your parents because there he felt under combined attack. He does have a natural aggressiveness also however, and a rebellious nature.

He has been afraid of directing either outward for fear of hurting others. (Long pause.) He must learn to handle normal aggressions, and yet when he is operating spontaneously his natural exuberance is a mechanism for such release. (Long pause.) He was aware of your feelings. He felt that any success of his was a threat to you. (Long pause.)

The painting of the apartment is beneficial, in its symbolic representation, and for what it means to you both on other levels. Now give us a moment. (Long pause.) Incidentally, you also wanted Ruburt thin, you see. You did not want to nourish his success.

Ruburt’s morning symptoms were also connected with you. You did not like to face morning at the Artistic Card Company, but Ruburt had the symptoms, you see. Other reasons also operated here, from his own background.

He felt that you begrudged him the food he ate, hence the shopping symptoms. As your attitude changed these symptoms began to vanish. And as your attitude has further changed he has begun to eat more. Now his own background, with its self-denial and early religious esthetic training, also played its part, you see.

Dating back, Ruburt’s barriers about the work area were also barriers against you. At times before he buried the feeling, he resented it when you sat at his (underlined) table. Do you recall?

These are important details however. The chests in the bathroom should be painted. The bookcase there (just moved in) breaks up old conditions, and is good. The chests should be covered as soon as possible to break up associations. Ruburt should change the arrangement of his clothes in those chests. The shoes should be kept in another place than the accustomed one.

Ruburt’s arms, now—he wanted to rock himself in comfort. (Jane cradled her arms in this characteristic gesture.) The elbows then bent, straining toward this position, representing a need for comfort, and the attempt to comfort himself. The fingers, connected with his work… Here he refused to budge. They could have been so bad he could not type, and this he did not allow. They still represented his feeling that his writing was a threat to you, and were a reminder of the whole situation. They were also fat however, for he still considered them powerful in regards to his work.