“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now, we shall begin by talking around some issues. To some extent the fact that Ruburt’s book is being read in his hometown disconcerts him. Those whom he relegated to the past are brought into the present. This causes some (panic?); there is a feeling that he is back in their control, and that the book in this respect has lain him vulnerable.

At the same time, of course, conflicting is the desire to be known as a successful writer in his hometown, but to do so he must be known again, you see. He is afraid, literally, walking the streets of Saratoga, sneaking in and out when he visits. But here he feels is the best part of himself, unprotected, and the self he tried really to hide, now displayed.

It is this basic feeling about the book and Saratoga that suddenly activated past associations and brought on some identification with his mother. He should remember here that he is not the person who lived in Saratoga now, unless he chooses in a self-limiting way to be so. The book itself, oddly enough, provides a certain protection for it informs others of his basic strength. It shocked him to know that people of the past were reading the book in his present, and seemed to draw him closer to those original associations that caused him to leave Saratoga.

Reading this material and understanding the nature of this attack should end it. His book is helping others in Saratoga. He should be drawing gratitude and health from this thought reality. The yoga exercises will in themselves straighten out the kinks here, with his understanding, as he begins to automatically attract forces of health and vitality.

The clothing sent by his mother has been somewhat dangerous to him because his feelings, given above, automatically extracted from them the negative feelings of his mother toward him, while blocking out the constructive and loving ones.

He did not want her to read the book, you see. He felt this left him open. His expectations, in other words, caused the attack, unfortunately. These feelings began when the book was definitely accepted. They did not grow into such actual disproportionate terms until the time of actual showing arrived.

The date was changed time and again. On one hand this gave him respite. On the other hand, he was angry at the delays. Added to this was what he felt to be the need to find employment, and the hope that his writing could be his livelihood. This has a connection with his grandfather that I will mention later.

He felt that the dream book had let him down when it was rejected. His last experience in sitting in a yard with any regularity happened many years ago. He recalls a photo of his mother in the backyard when he was about seven. She had difficulty then and could not walk well. Because of other conflicts he remembered this, this Summer when he sat in the yard. His mother visited chiropractors, osteopaths, and he knows it. This gives rise to a suggestibility that should be taken into consideration in any visits of his own.

He identified with the bird the cat caught. His mother was superstitiously afraid of cats and in the incident in his bedroom an immediate identification was set up, under emotional stress and because of past feelings.

There was a connection when your cat had his accident, you see, the location of the injury. (Our cat, Catherine, has recovered from his broken hip.)

Because of the temporary mother identification, he was open to the suggestion he had concerning his publisher, as the father of his book, you see. He also, because of this identification, feared he would become crippled and that you would leave him. Hence he was supersensitive when he thought you had lost interest in his writing and when he interpreted some of your actions as general neglect or lack of real affection.

What he refers to as the shallowness, comparatively speaking, of his sexual response, had its beginning, again, when he knew the book would be published. This was at first simply a temporary fear reaction, but it lengthened you see as other developments deepened his fear.

Your own attitude toward Frederick Fell, and your remarks to Ruburt, deeply frightened him, for they reinforced the nagging feeling that Fell would not do well by him as his father had not done well by his mother. This was the sore point always felt in those discussions. He felt cornered, you see, as if you were saying, “I told you so, your deepest fears will be realized.”

He only wrote to his father when he needed money as a child and adolescent, and he only called or contacted Fell, it seemed to him, when he wanted money. Fell was late on payments as his father had been late. He felt urgently dependent upon the checks as his mother had been toward welfare checks and the father’s payments.

It just happens, you see, that when Ruburt’s mother was coming down with arthritis, Ruburt was in the early grades—a kindergarten room with blocks and small stools and cloak room. This simply brings up associations, of course, with the nursery school, serving as another connection with his mother’s symptoms.

The sensitivity to sneakers was activated because of these connections with the mother, the children’s work hung upon the wall—this is another connection with his own past, you see, with early grades, and so is the colored girl, Dagmar, as Edward Briscoe was the only colored boy in his early grades.

If he were not already sensitized, these connections would not have bothered him, and they should fade as the general sensitivity disappears. It was because of such sensitivities being activated that Ruburt earlier responded in Marathon (Florida) to a sweater sent by his mother.

There is some sensitivity to beads at this time only due to a picture in which his mother wears them with short skirts. It is the combination, rather than the beads alone.

Ruburt felt safe if his mother read his fiction, you see, for it was several steps removed from his inner life.

The dreams he had tried to give him warning of probabilities, and he should have questioned me or used the pendulum. There were a series of these and I could have been asked for an interpretation. I told him to use positive suggestion concerning his mother before her letters. Positive suggestion should be used, a practice he began and discontinued.

He should not attempt at this time to write anything more than a friendly letter to his mother. When he tries to open up in a letter he panics. The pendulum sessions are helping indeed. I have given you most beneficial material this evening and I will close our session. Ruburt should read this many times.