“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He did not want her to read the book, you see. He felt this left him open. His expectations, in other words, caused the attack, unfortunately. These feelings began when the book was definitely accepted. They did not grow into such actual disproportionate terms until the time of actual showing arrived.

The date was changed time and again. On one hand this gave him respite. On the other hand, he was angry at the delays. Added to this was what he felt to be the need to find employment, and the hope that his writing could be his livelihood. This has a connection with his grandfather that I will mention later.

He felt that the dream book had let him down when it was rejected. His last experience in sitting in a yard with any regularity happened many years ago. He recalls a photo of his mother in the backyard when he was about seven. She had difficulty then and could not walk well. Because of other conflicts he remembered this, this Summer when he sat in the yard. His mother visited chiropractors, osteopaths, and he knows it. This gives rise to a suggestibility that should be taken into consideration in any visits of his own.

Your own attitude toward Frederick Fell, and your remarks to Ruburt, deeply frightened him, for they reinforced the nagging feeling that Fell would not do well by him as his father had not done well by his mother. This was the sore point always felt in those discussions. He felt cornered, you see, as if you were saying, “I told you so, your deepest fears will be realized.”

He only wrote to his father when he needed money as a child and adolescent, and he only called or contacted Fell, it seemed to him, when he wanted money. Fell was late on payments as his father had been late. He felt urgently dependent upon the checks as his mother had been toward welfare checks and the father’s payments.

Ruburt felt safe if his mother read his fiction, you see, for it was several steps removed from his inner life.