“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

The inner discipline, the inner utilization of energy, the inner channeling and direction of energy on Ruburt’s part in these sessions, would have been impossible but a few years ago.

This is with him a fairly healthy reaction, and less disruptive than he thinks. You have been distrustful to some degree concerning Ruburt’s fidelity to the sessions, precisely because the sessions have become important to you. Ruburt at this time would not dispense with the sessions, although it is true that he sometimes consciously resents the discipline involved in their regularity.

Without Ruburt’s now and then, really rather petty explosions, the stability of his working habits and the stability of emotional reactions would not be nearly as regular. The explosions are after all small ones, and of a harmless nature, that have a definite balancing tendency. Nor, my dear Joseph, are these explosions, though this is quite an exaggerated phrase, nor are these his alone; for he takes up also your hidden frustrations and angers, feels them deeply, though consciously he does not know this; and he then in these small explosions rather harmlessly dispels pent-up, small but potent emotional bombshells that belong to you both.

There is also, though this will vanish, a strong giving of self in these sessions on Ruburt’s part, a giving of self that involves the momentary giving up of emotion. And when he is angry he does not want to give his anger up. What will vanish is any feeling on his part of being subconsciously drained, as he does feel occasionally, and only when he is perturbed at something else.

On a conscious level you, Joseph, are much more given to regularity, and therefore more concerned when Ruburt shows signs of irregularity. It is however with him, as with you, the peculiar mixture of discipline and regularity with spontaneity that makes the sessions possible; and this quality in Ruburt, even of rebellion, that allows the sessions to continue.

This may not seem so to you, but because subconsciously and basically, though not consciously, Ruburt trusts both his own intuition and the validity of our sessions. He will not allow the rambunctious portion of his personality to upset our schedule, but because he trusts all this subconsciously, he will not be as disturbed as you are if a session is missed.

We have truly done much in a year. We will do more. If you were in Ruburt’s position, you would be more willingly regular than he; but my dear Joseph, your critical sense would block me much more than his, particularly in details. And in your position Ruburt would not do as well as you do.

You have set up more blocks than he has. He will be more vulnerable or receptive to your moods than you are to his. You fear moods more than he does, because of the constant emotional gyrations in which your mother is constantly involved. You fear Ruburt’s moods also, for this reason, fearing that you might be swept away by them. For as a child you feared you would be swept away by the raw emotions of your parents, and you feel insecure at such demonstrations. As I have said, you two temperamentally balance each other well.

Again, you Joseph feared aggression in the past so strongly that you would not allow yourself to even recall such dreams a year ago. Ruburt has no such knowledge of aggressive dreams, a very few, and this is also significant. He fears violence. This is one of the main reasons for his own occasional explosive moods.

I have to some extent attempted to tie in personal material with more general information this evening. Ruburt’s psychic state is much improved over his usual late winter state, and this seasonal susceptibility is also somewhat responsible for his occasional, really deep feelings of discouragement.