“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Jane was afraid of others as a young girl, and even in college — that she wouldn’t get their approval — whereas, I said, the others should have been afraid that they wouldn’t get her approval, since her abilities transcended theirs. So why should she sink to the common denominator? Jane said she’d never thought of that. I said it’s too bad the young don’t have the insight to stress their capabilities regardless of the opinions of others — but such thinking comes with age, usually, I’m afraid.

(I had several questions resulting from Jane’s material of yesterday. A remark that I’d made, to the effect that her illness has probably cost us at least half a dozen books over the years, elicited a response from her; she brought it up today, in fact. Now, she said, she wasn’t doing anything except a little bit each day. She’d picked up the idea of discipline from me, in a most unfortunate way, I thought, considering her most spontaneous nature. We talked about why her psyche had done so. She agreed that she is protected from life in the hospital. She also thought that she personally couldn’t live up to the high quality of the Seth material — her own “mental work,” a good way of putting it. The symptoms, then, served to keep her at her desk over the years because she was afraid that if left alone she’d fly off somewhere and wouldn’t do anything.

(I talked about the first session for Jane’s symptoms — the private portion of Session 208, for November 15, 1965 — yet she said that for her the whole thing really started the day before we went to a party in June 1966 regarding How to Develop Your ESP Power. Our friends wanted to celebrate the publication of her first “psychic” book, her first mention of Seth, but she read poetry at the party and wouldn’t talk about the ESP book — too embarrassed. A strange, protective way to behave.

[...] “So if you followed his stuff,” I said after supper, when I was getting ready to leave, “you wouldn’t have taken the antibiotics, and the body would have taken care of itself.” That also meant that in the interim Jane wouldn’t have “been trying too hard,” of course.

(I finished early so I’d have some extra time to open the account for Jane’s hospital expenses — but wouldn’t you know it, the phone rang at 11:50 a.m. It was someone from social services at the hospital. [...]

[...] The point I stressed—politely—was that at this time I wouldn’t make a move without legal advice, and that I wasn’t going to do anything that would compromise our position versus the insurance company.

[...] A long time ago Fred had said he didn’t want her to stop taking it, so she wouldn’t get depressed like she used to. [...]

[...] She’d gone to hydro this morning, and had her catheter changed at about 11:00 when it wouldn’t irrigate any more. [...]

[...] I wouldn’t mind getting more on this, Jane. [...]

(I’d debated with myself about not telling Jane the insurance news until I had a chance to ask Seth about it while she was in trance, but soon decided that wouldn’t be fair. [...]

(Andrew Fife said Blue Cross wouldn’t want the publicity of a suit in a case like ours, but I said they must go through this all the time. [...]

[...] “I don’t know what he said,” Jane said, but while he was talking I got the feeling that it—the insurance thing—wasn’t going to go on and on—it wouldn’t drag on,” she said. [...]

[...] I told her that if she wanted to leave I couldn’t, and wouldn’t try to hold her back, and that I’d never have her hooked up to survival equipment. I wouldn’t want that done to me, either. [...]

[...] When I said I wouldn’t bug her any more about reading, she said I talked like a martyr. [...]

[...] In past I wouldn’t have granted those feelings that expression—

[...] Wouldn’t go through that very damn often though; data or no data. [...] Certainly if the Seth sessions had involved this sort of thing—particularly in the beginning—I am pretty sure we wouldn’t have continued them. [...]

[...] Wouldn’t know; it was supposed to be afternoon I do recall that.

[...] It probably wouldn’t in any case; certainly mediums who charge for readings and hold regular ones daily, don’t go through that all the time. [...]

[...] At the time I thought the brief appearance a little odd, but when it developed that Timothy Foote wouldn’t be staying for supper, as we had planned, Seth’s appearance made good sense.

[...] He told us his review for Richard Bach wouldn’t “be hostile;” he didn’t particularly like the book. [...]

(Added Note: Timothy Foote also told Jane and me that he’d like to do a feature story on Jane, Seth and me for Time Magazine, but that it probably wouldn’t ever be done—the magazine being “too secular”—Timothy Foote’s words. [...]

“Hello,” I said when he came to the phone, and his voice was dull and flat, full of self pity; he was sure I wouldn’t see him. [...] His call reminded me finally of his letter and my response that I wouldn’t be able to see him during his trip. [...]

[...] I told Jane that if she’d had her regular session yesterday in 330, so that I was busy typing it last night, I wouldn’t have found Babs’s note, because I wouldn’t have had the extra time after supper to go through fan mail, clean out the paper bag I carry to the hospital each day, and so on. [...]

[...] Paul O’Neill came after we’d finished lunch in 330, and took impressions of Jane’s lower gums for relining her denture—a soft denture, he explained, and Jane wouldn’t get it back before Friday. [...]

[...] I could see even using his answer as a footnote for that session in Dreams, though the dates wouldn’t fit. [...]

[...] I learned the trouble was based on my fear that Jane wouldn’t accept, or believe in, the statement. [...]

(Additional thought re the notes just above: I suppose that if we enjoyed clear channels of communication between all parts of ourselves, we wouldn’t have returned to this spot—or if we had, no charges would be involved. [...]

[...] [This morning we slept undisturbed.] But when I came inside after speaking to them, Jane said, “I wouldn’t dare do that.” [...]

[...] This would arouse all kinds of panic feelings, since she wouldn’t dare speak out—and so she, and “it”, would feel that she had to furnish strong guidelines for her own protection—keep her writing rather than take jobs, etc. [...]

[...] The doctor said OK I wouldn’t have to take it of course. [...]

[...] But when he pulled the shorts up around his waist the blue denim kept turning into a blue Turkish towel type of fabric that he tried to pin together so they’d cover him and wouldn’t fall down. [...]

(“Yes, and then maybe I wouldn’t answer any of the mail.” [...]

[...] Wouldn’t it be a scream if a relatively innocuous-seeming dream like that one marked the turning point in this thing?” Indeed. [...]

[...] “The funny thing is, if we were that free yet committed, we wouldn’t have to worry about money because we’d automatically do the right things that would get us more whenever we needed it, just by doing the things we love to do....”

[...] But it embodies massive contradictions, of course, for the very illness sets up strains in the relationship that wouldn’t even exist were the illness not present. [...]

[...] One small example: As usual, if it wasn’t for my own demands and suggestions, this session wouldn’t even exist—whereas to my way of thinking Jane should have demanded to have it on her own. [...]

[...] Seth had very recently said that Jane’s skin wouldn’t break down, for instance, yet here within the last week a large open raw area has appeared on her buttock, her right one—presumably because she usually leans to the right when sitting, putting additional pressure on that side and bottom. [...]

[...] I said I thought she’d broken that off because she was afraid it wouldn’t work — although I’d thought it showed signs that it was working. [...]

[...] I added that I wouldn’t want to live under such conditions.

[...] Jane wouldn’t leave our private number. [...]

[...] I couldn’t help but think his material wouldn’t be exactly flattering to me. [...]

[...] When the smoke reached a certain point close to her fingers—I wouldn’t have let her burn herself —she woke up with a start and stubbed the cigarette in the ashtray. [...]

[...] “I wouldn’t mind trying some things on my own, here at the house, like getting an eye, ear and nose doctor here, or an orthopedist—but no hospital. [...]

[...] I wouldn’t want to know in advance if I could. [...]

[...] Moreover, Rob wouldn’t take no for an answer. [...]

[...] Rob wrote the questions down so he wouldn’t forget them, and two nights later we sat down at the board once more. [...]

[...] “But it wouldn’t always be destructive, would it? [...]