“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

A good part of night or so it seems. Body very sore. Then my hip area turns into a hotel or old castle—like they show in horror movies. The soreness turns into the rocky walls that heave. The whole thing is feeling. Can’t describe it—“Bad.” A voice says, “May your womb shrivel and die!” A terrible thing to say, I think—separate enough to understand and comment. I realize these are feelings from childhood. Church—at a very creative level—or the feeling, use the creative ability to bring about punishment, illness or whatever. And that’s how say “black” magic works. (Also I’d lately seen a show on Jack the Ripper and I think the women were so convinced of their “evil” ways at those levels that they broadcast their need for punishment.) Finally awaken—sleep off and on but sore. And as I waken, very sore, feelings of panic (or nearly). In past I wouldn’t have granted those feelings that expression—

[...] She hadn’t liked the sonnet and hoped it would shrivel away. [...]

Do you think that when you grow old you will become shriveled and come to nothing? [...]

(11:10.) A less determined personality would have drawn back, shriveled, and denied its own abilities. [...]

It becomes bitter and mortally frightened, with no place to turn, and it sickens the body, and shrivels, and concentrates more and more upon the morbid aspects of its environment, until it cannot even appreciate the splendid accomplishment of itself, and the joys that are peculiarly part of the ego.

For the personality in such circumstances will shrivel up, and ultimately the physical self will die ahead of its time, and despite all emergency efforts made by the ego, unless it makes the necessary effort. [...]

Ruburt’s creative ability quickly deteriorated, for bitter attitudes shrivelled up the source of the creativity. [...]

Something in me / ebbs and tides, / as if I let myself /
for a while / be washed away / out to sea / while leaving /
some spidery shell / upon the shore / dry and shriveled, /
scarce alive. [...]