“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

You would be grateful then when Ruburt did originate such a crisis, simply because the pressure behind the repressed feelings was more painful then, so that it was defeating its own purpose. You helped initiate these crises in your own way then, by intensifying the noncontact behavior that you knew would cause Ruburt to take steps. On occasion you increased your own noncontact behavior when he did not react when you thought he should.

When your relationship becomes uneasy to a certain degree, then this impedes the spontaneity that you allow yourself in your paintings. You are at that point trying to shove beneath awareness certain feelings of yours, mentioned in our last session. You are, say, close to the point on noncontact. Inhibited feelings therefore are at their strongest on your part. Considerable energy is used to continue the repression as the pressure from beneath grows.

This would cause considerable panic on your part. On the other hand of course Ruburt also expected you to come up with and initiate the noncontact behavior when he felt that your relationship was getting too close for comfort, that his physical love for you might lead him some time to neglect consciously or unconsciously proper contraceptive behavior.

In general Ruburt is more easily spontaneous, for example. Over the years you simply did not allow enough leeway for yourselves, but the overall tendencies are perfectly legitimate. They operate quite obviously, also in your relationship with the world at large. You can put up with noncontact comparatively speaking far better than Ruburt, and will be the first one to draw the line here. As in the other areas mentioned, the more personal ones.

He reacts personally and deeply when you get too far in the direction toward noncontact. This noncontact simply is more easily accepted, comparatively speaking, by you. He feels however that his body has been almost cursed by you both, and at its worst reaction he interprets fairly prolonged noncontact in the following terms: the way Christ cursed the fig tree, that it dare not bloom, that his body is forsaken by you both, unwanted, an orphan child, so that even his good looks as a woman are suspect.

[...] This is one peril that you did avoid, for it would have allowed you to go even further along the noncontact lines.