“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

[...] I am speaking now of his ideal performance. When he is working well his rest is in his work. [...]

[...] When he is home working the same energy utilized in his teaching must be used for his own work. [...]

[...] Success with his dream work depends precisely upon this excess energy still available at day’s end. His whole physiological structure is geared to high activity. [...]

[...] I am suggesting that he use the full force of his available energy for every task at hand. [...] He is a converter, his system tuned toward converting psychic energy.

(Long pause.) He felt it his duty to examine his psychic material with supercritical force, since it seemed to come from the other side of consciousness, so to speak, and since it presented such a different picture of all aspects of reality. (Pause.) His symptoms served other purposes as well, though, as has been given often. In a fashion they served as regulators that he felt at one time allowed him to live on an even course, tempering spontaneity or psychic exploration lest it progress too quickly for him to follow, yet also protecting him from other distractions so that he could continue his explorations. [...]

He thought that he was such a bad person that he drove his parents apart, perhaps caused his mother’s illness, perhaps his grandmother’s death—for which his mother did indeed several times blame him—and that the classical idea of the Sinful Self was individually interpreted in that manner in Ruburt’s personal early life. [...]

Since Ruburt’s work involved him most directly in an examination of the self and in the unknown reaches of the psyche, then his experiences led him into a conflict with the idea of the Sinful Self. One of the main points of his work, and mine, is the definition of the well-intentioned self, of course. Ruburt was to some extent afraid to accept that concept fully—therefore he has been unable to utilize it fully in his mistaken belief that he must maintain a largely critical stance. [...]

In personal terms, he feared that his father abandoned him for that reason, that his mother disliked him for that reason, for each person will interpret the belief in his or her own life according to circumstances. [...]

It would be most handy for him after some thinking to draw up his own statements of the areas of his main concentrations. [...] He can quite honestly state that such and such is outside of the area of his concentration, at the far periphery of his “field.” People will understand if he is clear in his own mind. [...]

The term “psychic” is ill-defined, so he must define for himself the field of his activity, specify clearly for both of your sakes where his own strengths lie, and his intents, and what is to be expected of him and what is not. [...]

(Long pause at 9:38.) All of this should be considered along with the natural uncertainties that exist in creative ventures—his desire for inspiration and so forth. He needs to clarify the circle of his expectations, as earlier suggested this evening. All of these issues added to increased tension, so that he did not know what direction to move in (underlined), and felt his motion blocked. [...]

His body is indeed releasing tensions, adjusting at the most profound levels of motion, and the process involves, as stated, the release of old panics. [...] He is supported by his own nature, and by the source of his own nature. [...]

He was offered a ride home and cashed his check. This deprived him of an opportunity to change his mind and buy the sweaters then. [...] The story told by the driver upset early sexual feelings, and all of this together caused his difficulties. Later that evening the torture discussion, you see—this frightened him because his withheld anger and aggression found the talk most satisfying, and Ruburt then and there fought desperately to deny this. [...]

[...] His grandfather strongly influenced him, and to the grandfather only a man who worked for himself was independent. Only in his last ill year did he work for others. He had his own businesses, but he barely scraped by with them you see.

He feels, actually, an overly severe sense of responsibility to support himself, and not be as his mother was, a financial burden. At the same time however there is this determination to make his financial way through writing, and so far he has been caught between.

[...] Friday, his two books came. [...] To some degree he felt guilty, wanting the sweaters when he had already lost money, and when they were obviously meant to replace the sweaters of his mother.

[...] Obviously he is in the middle of a learning adventure, trying to do far more with his ordinary consciousness than most people, and trying to solve his problems and encounter his challenges without relying upon old structures of belief—healthwise not relying upon doctors or dentists. [...]

In a way his progress has been dependent upon the state of his learning, so that he has been trying to stretch the abilities of normal consciousness by drawing in other “strands.” Yet because he was the one so involved, he had to test each strand, and in the meantime he still had his “old” consciousness, with its habits, to contend with.

[...] The early tensions of moving in here, mentioned just above, and his worries about inspiration, are past; just. His imaginings, even of simple things—the bird baths, the feeders, the picnic table that implies outside experience—all of this will pay off.

I will tell you, he has begun to regenerate his gums. He has kept that tooth (pointing) in his mouth for six months. [...]

[...] This will involve some work on his part, but all effort must be made. He is to make an effort to remember his dreams, get up and record them, and anticipate projection dreams. [...] His energy can and must be used to good purpose. [...]

When he does not believe his muscles will work, he will not put full strength upon them, for example, and physically weakens the muscle. He must work upon his attitude. [...] Not, however, when he concentrates upon his symptoms.

He uses his fingers well when he types, and he uses considerable pressure. His concentration is focused on a more intense stimuli. He forgets his symptoms to a large degree. [...]

[...] His enthusiasm is returning as far as his work is concerned. [...]

[...] If he had set out, and he didn’t, to plan a process that would enable him to use his abilities to the fullest in his writing and other fields in which he is interested, and yet to discipline himself so that he did not scatter his abilities, if he had set out on a plan toward maturity, and to set definite controls upon his sometimes too fast, out-of-proportion responses, he could not have found a better path than the one which he is now following.

I mention this particularly because of his panic reactions last week at the gallery. [...] This fear of authority is one of the reasons for his admirable independence of mind and spirit.

It is also the reason for many of his problems in the past, and to a much lesser degree in the present. His mother, representing authority to him as a child, was frightening, threatening, sometimes cruel, and capricious. [...]

It is also true that during certain periods of the month his hormones are more active, since he inhabits, and is, a woman this time. He also turned down rather coldly the man’s innocent enough invitation that you visit his home. [...]

[...] (Very rapidly.) When his ankle bothers him it is because he fears he might fly off in the wrong direction. When his fingers are full it is because of accumulated bitterness, unspoken. When his periods are late he is “holding out” in quotes until he is certain of his direction.

[...] Yet all of his religious background gave him an immersion in a strong organized religion. Inside that framework he learned what was wrong with it, and from his experiences was born the strong inner, barely conscious, desire to help his fellow beings emerge into some kind of lucidity. [...]

He felt that the professor was bringing his students to show them he was a fraud. His sense of duty was actually a coverup. [...]

[...] On the positive side this leads into new frontiers, and it expands and develops his abilities. It is a basis for his ethical and intuitive achievements. [...]

You understand that because of both his father and his grandfather, particularly his grandfather, he grew up believing it a weakness to work for others, because of the immobility involved. His grandfather as a salesman walked about freely, and his grandfather feared working for others. [...]

Ruburt’s statements a few moments earlier, regarding his feelings, concerning his future, were and are important. [...]

The annoying or frightening symptoms began when Ruburt began his search for work, unknown to him consciously. His attitudes had by now changed. [...]

[...] He wants the chance to do so in his own way, although he realizes his way may not, you see, pan out financially. [...]

The vibrator is of definite value, but would be useless, you see, without his own decision and understanding. His attitude toward Aspects is involved, simply because it is his project at this time. He needed the rest from it, and had he gritted his teeth and plunged back into it, he could have fallen into old frameworks—but following his inclinations, as I told him, he avoided that, and when he begins it again it will be with the relaxed attitudes that his dreams and his newer understanding are teaching him.

The dreams are providing him with excellent personal inner experience, telling him of his progress. [...] If you had a snapshot of a month ago to compare his present performance with, you would see the difference. [...]

He should know this from the greater ease in getting in and out of his slacks, for example, and in getting up and down from chairs. [...]

[...] It is very important, again, that he follow his inclinations—for overall, when he feels like doing nothing but relaxing, this is what body and mind both need at that point. [...]

The Christian-Science background with the father was also important, for it was this inner belief of the father that did sustain him, and that inclination of the father and his mother (Mattie) that Ruburt chose in his background to temper his own mother’s beliefs and lead him in our direction. [...]

[...] Ruburt’s background with his mother and his beliefs in will then merged with your feelings for isolation from your father. Ruburt blocked out emotional spontaneity, feeling that his father was lax. [...]

He was also afraid of spontaneity not related to creativity because of his feeling that his father went willy-nilly and produced nothing. In solving his dilemma, which was the creative one, the both of you triumph for yourselves and for your parents.

Ruburt saw how being away from his desk and the house worked creatively to his advantage, as per the ride to your mother’s (in Centerville), and the earlier walk around the block. [...]

[...] I do not want to define his existence by those attitudes alone, however, for when he forgets the great gulf between his idealism and practical life, and speaks about other activities, then he is full of charming energy. That energy could have sustained him far more than it has, however, had he counted on his natural interests and chosen one of those for his life’s work. [...] He had offers of other jobs that would have pleased him more, but he is so convinced of his lack of power that he did not dare take advantage of the opportunities. There are satisfactions in his life [however] that prevent him from narrowing his focus even further.

[...] His mood was despondent. At the same time he did not consider trying to go to college, to get a scholarship or whatever, to better his knowledge in the field of his choice. He doesn’t want to leave town, which is the place of his birth, to find a better job; nor does it occur to him to try and understand better the experiences of his fellow workers. He doesn’t believe that he can change the world by beginning where he is, and yet he is afraid to count upon his own abilities by giving them a practical form of expression.

[...] One visitor, a man from another part of the country, began to speak about the state of the nation, largely condemning all of his countrymen and women for their greed and stupidity. People would do anything at all for money, he said, and as his monologue continued, he expressed his opinion that the species itself would almost inevitably bring about its own destruction.

[...] Roger, let us call him, is an idealist at heart, but he believes that the individual has little power in the world, and so he did not pursue his personal idealism in the events of his own life. “Everyone is a slave to the system.” That is his line of belief. [...]

He works out many problems through his work. [...] If he insists upon four to five hours a day of definite work, many of his problems will be solved at an intuitive level by him. [...] As you know, his presence in this chair (eyes open, Jane pointed to the Kennedy rocker in which she sat) at regular session time provides the same sort of concentration and focus in another direction.

Now he was told under emotionally charged conditions, as you know, by his mother, that he could or would lose his mind. He tied this in with any strong spontaneous actions on his part, regardless of their nature. [...]

Even the nuns to whom he read poetry distrusted his fervency, and took him to task. [...] The spontaneous elements of his nature, as you know, frightened him, since others gave him dire warnings as to possible consequences.

A young man can misuse and misunderstand his own abilities if they are stronger than the other personality frameworks that compose his identity. [...]

[...] He would waste his body for you and his work, but you would not take that step. [...] Operating, again, on his part were those doubts: could he really make a go of it if you quit? [...]

[...] He could help you his own way, and that was not his way. His commitment forbade it. [...]

Now this has been consistent in all of his behavior. [...] On the other hand he resents the slightest inconvenience that is not connected with his goals, and rises up vehemently against even the slightest restraint that he considers beside the board, or aside from your joint and individual purposes.

[...] He thought that you would not be satisfied to quit unless he had a job, and this he could not do because of his own commitment to his work.

I realize that Ruburt in particular is in no mood for levity, and I would for his sake tell him that the information contained in his psychological time experiments, and in his dreams of late, is merely the fabrications of his subconscious, of which in the past he was not aware.

Even in his dream he was stunned, afraid that the death was his own. [...] In his dream, therefore, which he knew he would remember because of his training, he then added shielding fabrications, interwoven with the valid information.

The relief he felt after deciding that he had safely tricked himself, he thought in the morning, was due to the fact that the future death was not his mother’s or his own, but one involving a relative at least somewhat distant. The relief of course was the result of his partial success in distorting the information, but despite distortions the sender came through, and the sex of the person whose death was unfortunately perceived.

Ruburt is calmer now, and I may add not only that his death was not involved in any manner, but also that his death will not occur for many years. He is extremely touchy, for all his training, upon this subject in general.

Now, putting these two statements together, you see that an individual will perceive basic reality, in the main, only from his own reference point, and through his outer sense apparatus. His perception of basic reality in one way does not change the nature of that reality or of that action, as it exists independently of his field of reference. However, the very distortions that occur in his attempt to perceive this reality results in a new reality. What he perceives then is legitimate, for his very perception of it is the basis for its existence.

In his case, extra reserves of energy have been used in practical concerns over his book, although to deal with them he has drawn upon additional energies. [...] Unfortunately the knowledge that his book will be published, while bringing him much satisfaction, has also served to remind him of the manner in which he fears many might look upon both our sessions and his past endeavors in this field.

[...] Each reality is completely unique for every individual, and through his own actions he attempts therefore to communicate the nature of this reality of his to his fellows.

We are largely over this hump now, and the actual writing of the book in its entirety will actually serve to strengthen his confidence in this respect, since the validity of our sessions will be stressed as he reads material for his book. At its completion he will be much more committed than he is now, and indeed our sessions will attain added depth through his acquiescence.

He drags his feet because he does not want to go, because he is afraid that he will be in the poor condition that his imagination has gotten him into. [...] His mistake has been in letting his imagination work against him, thwarting his desire, rather than for him.

[...] He feels guilty for his daughter’s difficulty. He sold the house on the one hand to make money, and on the other hand he sold it to do penance because in his own way he loved it. He talked of selling the land and tearing down the terrace as a projected act of self-mutilation, mutilating something that he loved, to do penance for his sins, in his light.

[...] Now, mentally, have Ruburt pretend it is simply a weed, and mentally throw it over his shoulder after he has plucked it from the seed of his consciousness.

Instead imagine the desired result, the health; and his methods in Psycho-Cybernetics do serve him very well in that regard, firing his imagination. [...]

Since he does not use his unconscious knowledge of your work in daily life, and since you do not talk of it often, then he searches your face to see how you may have done. He feels guilty when you are working if he is not, for fear you will think his success is coming too easily. [...]

To the effect that you do want him to succeed, that his success will help you both. [...] If you were his age he would not be so frightened in this regard.

[...] The freeing of feeling is indeed important on his part. [...] This is also connected to your work in that he was afraid that his quite natural emotions would frighten you, and therefore impede your work.

[...] His own paintings and work are of a highly emotional nature. [...]

In developing his own abilities and searching for answers through these sessions, Ruburt also unconsciously sought, and seeks, finds answers for his mother, since she was unable to find them, and answers for his grandfather Burdo as well. [...]

He has met his former wife (Maxine, who died about 14 years ago, just as Jane and I met), but the connections are not good. [...] The reunion is joyous and his vision is clear at last in terms of his own selfhood.

The feeling-tone of Ruburt’s mentioned earlier in your terms, the negative one, was triggered as you know by his reaction to your illness, which was followed by rising difficulties on the part of your own parents. He felt trapped by them, having to help them, as he felt trapped by his own mother.

When he felt trapped he adopted those symptoms, though to a much lesser degree, that his mother had when she was trapped. His childhood situation filled him with terror, yet there was the impetus of growing up to set him free. [...]

[...] He is feeling more secure, and this feeling will grow as it sinks into his mind that he will not have to “worry” about his money productions for the next year, for example. He has also undergone in the past few months another level of development where he trusts his psychic abilities more than he ever did.

[...] Remind him, for the 100th time, that he can trust his inner self implicitly, and does not need to set up guards against its spontaneity, for spontaneity is his life, and the source of his creativity; and underline that sentence.

The hands are quite improved over what they were even two weeks ago—let this not escape his notice. The last few days he forgot to put his corn pad on (smile), with no resulting difficulty—another improvement he should notice. His period is on time again.

He has been tensed for so long that he has been afraid to let go all at once, in his terms. Much of this had to do with his career. [...] (It is in the mail but hasn’t arrived, due to the postal strike.) With his literal mind, he wants to see it in black and white.