“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

[...] Now Ruburt once felt that he had to discipline his impulses, lest they spontaneously lead him where he felt his purposes, or safety, might be threatened. If he understands now that his own nature provides for his sustenance, and automatically leads him into fulfillment, and couches his existence in perfect safety (leaning forward), then certain things will become clear.

[...] I want those sessions read again that I gave about his attitudes toward “work.” They were designed specifically for him and his nature, for when he forgets about work, with its connotations for him, then he is at his most intuitively creative, and inspiration springs naturally and quickly at his beckoning.

[...] Becoming more aware of his desires will activate the body so that it performs more quickly in order to meet his goals. In the past he cut the desires down, to make sure that the most important prerogatives would be met, but his picture of reality was too small. The body and mind both need stimuli, variety, and richness, and his nature automatically seeks expression, not repression.

[...] Since Ruburt’s nature was rather—rather—extravagantly different from what he considered the norm to be, and since he possessed abilities that were not common generally and specifically to his sex, he became even more unduly suspicious of his own nature. [...]

So, as the father pays back his old betrayer, he hurts the son without knowing why. He cannot understand his own cruelty toward him, or the acts which he is impelled to perform. Nor can the son, loving the father, understand either the father’s cruelty or his own sense of gratification received from the cruelties. He, with his remorseless conscience, welcomes the cruelties, for they make him feel as if he is doing penance, and for what?

[...] At the moment Louie is living with his parents, not being married, and is working in his father’s place of business. Louie had also remarked that his speech impediment had not bothered him as much while he lived in California, as it does currently.)

[...] He was then, even then, conscientious, and therefore fourfold bothered more than most by his own betrayal. In his immediately past life he plagued himself through a useless arm; right arm, you see, so he could not point out again. [...]

His present desire for expression will certainly not change. [...] For both the fear and the anxiety is based simply upon a resulting distrust of his ability to handle eloquence or verbal expression.

His dream work, again, is highly important and significant —not only for itself, but also because it represents his reliance upon the inner world of his being. And it was mistrust of that world, coupled with a mistrust of physical theories and alternatives, that partially caused his difficulties. [...]

A few moments earlier he vaguely caught an image, as his mind, picking up inner information, translated it: he was being led to a physician’s office in the image. [...] His emotional response, vaguely, was quite legitimate. [...]

[...] It felt as if another body, oddly his, yet connected with the physical body—while not it—was being manipulated. [...]

[...] He is being healed, but with conscious cooperation, and relying upon the fact that you form your reality—not, for example, by simply accepting another framework of belief—but his dealing with the nature of beliefs themselves, and this is an achievement. [...]

[...] He does well to move about in his chair, as he does often, exercising when he is alone. He can do more of that to his advantage. [...]

[...] (Long pause, eyes closed.) This advice, simple as it sounds, will lead toward further insights on his part. [...] It is the nitty-gritty of his basic feelings that Ruburt has been encountering. [...]

[...] Ruburt needs time to give himself a few suggestions in the morning, to start up his journal again, even to paint if he wants in a framework in which he allows himself that much freedom. [...] It flows as a result of his own characteristic nature. [...]

Ruburt’s body is allowing itself to relax, particularly on the couch when his back is supported. [...]

Ruburt emulates your own work habits, and tries to regulate his creative life so that it bears a resemblance to yours. He tries to be disciplined, put in his time, temper his emotional nature, so neither of you approve of yourselves. [...]

[...] Ruburt, being true to his spontaneity, would forget publishing details. It is his attempt to try and match your individual methods of thought that confuse him. He is producing his books and mine —a double kind of production that entails almost two publishing schedules.

[...] Ruburt does not feel he can properly see his way out. [...] The eye problem has to do, physically, with his present stance—the lack of balance between the two sides of his body, causing pressure on one side of the jaw, and the ear canal, which further aggravates the fullness in the sinus, hence affecting the eyes.

He favors at this time one side, and all his weight and emphasis and direction bears him to the right. [...] Both the angle of his head and jaw, and the position of his arms, are involved. [...]

His overconscientiousness as a young person, and his intense concern—overconcern—at times with the literal “truth” of any given situation, is and was largely his reaction to his mother’s habitual, often mischievous lying pattern. [...]

His mother’s pathological lying meant that Ruburt had to assess and reassess any given situation as a child. He determined not to be malicious as his mother was. His anxiousness led to the most severe examinations of conscience, such examinations being a recommended Catholic practice. [...]

(9:01.) Ruburt’s intuitions, his nature, his creative abilities, and his intellect, have led him into a study of the nature of reality, as, again, he sought to find a larger framework of reference. [...]

[...] Ruburt did not tell anyone about his mother’s lying, for example, not until he was in his teens, and he was too ashamed of how his mother often treated him to tell anyone. [...]

[...] Ruburt’s beliefs on his own, concerning his writing and money, carried the ball despite his worrying tendencies. You believed that his best work would bring money too, and so you had no conflicting beliefs about money in that regard.

[...] At the same time his own abilities would be concentrated upon also. It was a do-or-die effort on his part. Once embarked, there was to be no turning back, until finally his own work and your reactions began to hint of difficulties, and his own body reflected them. [...]

[...] His idea of challenging body beliefs is important. Today’s mixture of walking, stimulation and facing the public (while shopping) is highly advantageous, but he should compare his condition not with others but with his reality.

Now I realize that you see Ruburt limping about quite as clearly as you see his good complexion. He is the one who must challenge his body beliefs, but whenever you notice any improvement mention it, for you are also dealing with a situation in which you become hypnotized by effects.

[...] It would do Ruburt no harm either to resume his painting. His time as a rule is very busily engaged, and usually with mental work. It is all the more important therefore that his leisure have some outward aspect to it, and when possible of an active nature.

His Saturday housecleaning, believe it or not, is excellent for him. The short story work is a very good balance actually, for both his poetry and the book of mine that he is working on. [...] Mark is good for you both, and in many instances his impulse to get you both out of the house has been a good one.

First of all, Ruburt may continue with his daily psychological time experiments. But these are to be carried on but once daily, and if he tries any other sort of experiment, such as he tried with the Father Trainor poetry session last week, then he is not to attempt his regular psychological time experiment for that day.

[...] This has been mentioned in the past, but Ruburt became so fearful of his own spontaneity in early life that he was more or less forced, out of fear, to deny the validity of his identity with the inner self. [...]

[...] His abilities here will improve as his faith in them improves.

This was not always the case, but in too many instances my intellect has been held back by the stubbornness of his ego. His own abilities have not therefore grown at the rate which was possible. [...]

Now we shall put this plainly, for his ego has indeed distrusted his intuitional self, and has been jealous of it. [...]

[...] Now either there is an Ohio connection with him, or his name began with an O, and was short. Another young woman beside his wife, with a name much like hers, this Mary connection still returning.

In the face of this he threw even greater determination into his work and his “success” (in quotes), to make up for what he felt as other deficiencies. [...] Blame was projected by him upon other areas, because only when he allowed his thoughts to really surface would he blame you in any way. [...]

[...] After a point his stubbornness was aroused, and he felt that you wanted him to beg for what should be his. [...]

To compensate he realized that you gave all you could, that you were his partner in work, in seriousness and in important endeavors (underlined), but he wanted touches, and because of his nature reassurances.

He felt that for all your talk you wanted him to discipline spontaneity in a way basically impossible for him, that to release it in physical terms would mean two dangers: You would find him unbearable; and his sexuality released, would then demand fulfillment. [...]

[...] Where his writing is not concerned, and when he relates himself to the world at large, he is timid, fearful, and without the confidence that his inner knowledge of his own worth should certainly give him.

He is confident of his basic worth as an individual, as a writer, and even finally as a wife in relationship to you. But when he relates to the world at large, his first unfortunate reaction is a panic that is derived from psychological and emotional heritage, environmental as he picked up his mother’s distrust of the outside.

[...] As you well know, he lived in close supervision with his mother, and until his late, very late adolescence his whole life was literally spent within the confines of fifteen blocks, except for very short excursions.

Expectation on his part of the house to some degree at least provided this. His tendency, both for undisciplined reactions and for habitual discipline, seem contradictory, but represent merely counterbalances in his nature. [...]

[...] Ruburt does not need to apologize to anyone for his less-than-perfect physical condition, nor feel that his physical lack of mobility—relatively speaking—casts aspersions on the sessions or on our work. Nor need he feel that in contrast to our material his physical performance is woefully inadequate. The wording of that last sentence is important, for obviously his condition is inadequate—but he owes no one an apology in that regard.

[...] He has the capabilities that allow him to hold his own very well, blocked only by fears and hesitations. He does have a very strong private nature, along with an ability to communicate to others—and as my material stated this morning, a greater understanding of his impulses would lead to a natural balance. He might not want to see anyone for months, in which case his impulses would be to refuse any interviews or whatever. [...]

[...] Ruburt should not disapprove of himself because of his physical condition either. [...] He should, again, perhaps with your help, now write a new list of his accomplishments, and also of his positive characteristics, so that he keeps self-approval in mind, and your compliments when he does look well are always helpful.

(After finishing the library material, Jane called The Village Voice on impulse, but ended up feeling she didn’t do well: She didn’t get to speak to Jim Poett, who was not there, or to his editor. She asked a friend of JP’s to have him send her tear sheets of his last two articles, which I thought an excellent idea. [...]

[...] Ruburt is being led to discover that the answers to his intellectual questions about his abilities, my existence, life after death, the solution to his physical problems, can only be discovered through the appreciation and use of his intuitive and psychic abilities. [...]

[...] He wants to walk—and is being driven toward motion, even though his present capabilities as yet only allow him to go so far. [...] His body is already less apologetic.

Since his psychic abilities did not show themselves in a conventional fashion in his early years, he did not learn to trust them as he might have otherwise, yet this was part of the entire picture. [...]

[...] His poem last night took a good full 20 minutes (with amused irony). [...] He wrote the poem because he felt like it—scandalous behavior—and also because he had expressed his feelings and written them down.

All of this meant he was left with body beliefs, so that he believed his body could not respond normally. Again, the evidence gave seeming confirmation, so that his confidence in his body was lessened. You both used his condition as an excuse for not doing certain things because you believed an excuse was necessary.

[...] The addition, however, brought with it a new sense of responsibility—not just to make money, but as his writings continued he wanted his creative work to be “responsible” and he began to discover that others, so it seemed, were all too ready to latch upon what he almost considered magical inspirational productions, and to follow them with very literal minds. So then his creative endeavors not only had to bring in money, but they had to be good, moral, responsible, for they were becoming part of a body of work.

[...] The body beliefs need to be tackled regardless of the attitudes that gave them birth, and your reassurances of his attractiveness are important—for he convinced himself at least to some degree that because of his condition he was not attractive to others.

Though Ruburt was a good-looking young woman, with much vitality, he had no children, and indeed had been determined not to, for writing was the overwhelming interest in his life. [...]

[...] Early man was in that same position, and his inventions—his tools, his artistry, and so forth—came into being from the inner, ever-present realm of the mind, triggered by his unconscious but quite real estimation of his position within the universe at large, and in regard to his own environment.

[...] I’d been admiring the loving care with which he’d addressed himself to each portion of his body. In the light from the lamp above and behind my right shoulder on the room divider, his greenish eyes were so beautifully colored, yet mysterious, that I found it hard to believe he can’t see color. [...] Or do his colors serve other purposes for him that we’re unaware of? Intuitively, I felt that more is involved here than questions of camouflage and protection—that at the very least there must be connections between Billy and his colors in this reality and his source in a nonphysical one.⁴

He also realized that at least to some extent this energy had accumulated as a result of his own good intentions, and his desire to help others. [...] The form represented (long pause) the personified, accumulated positive energies that were working to his advantage at that time, that provided him protection, but that also automatically worked to the benefit of his life and projects.

[...] It’s an excellent point, I said, that in her ability to tap into a seemingly endless amount of Seth material, she strikes a parallel with early man and his capacity to carry all personal, cultural, and historical information within himself. As early man functioned on his own, without writing or any of the other modern conveniences of communication that we have, so does Jane function through Seth. [...] His potential for oral history appears to be unlimited.

[...] His abilities will follow a different line entirely, though there is no harm in his study. The difficulty would lie in the drain upon his time, for people would want readings: and again, look for miracles rather than self-understanding and self-development.

Now the evil which Ruburt imagined he was projecting outward does not exist, but because he believed it did, he formed his materialization from his fears. [...] But this fact is Ruburt’s safeguard in his astral travels—as long as he remembers it.

[...] He was actually getting rather tricky, and the accomplishment, while misguided, shows the growth of his abilities. [...] He has many friends, but it was best that he followed through on his own for his own confidence.

[...] As a matter of interest it is perfectly all right, but because of his particular nature he will have a tendency to let the charts impede rather than help his clairvoyant information.

He ignored what seemed to be a fact of reality, built his own constructive expectations, and made them the reality. [...] At his own level he gives in his relationship with his students, and primarily his turn toward counseling is directed by a desire to help others. [...]

[...] When Leonard returned, all unknowingly he sent out constructive thoughts to which she also reacted; but he loved his lawn and his yard, and in his mind’s eye he saw it the way he wanted it, clearly, and it did become an event.

[...] According to the above his rent was raised. Today Jane learned that his rent has not been raised, peculiarly enough, as of today, June 5. The lawyer never lived in the apartment, for whatever reasons of his own. [...]

Now in his own mind Ruburt has been highly critical of that neighbor, and so have you at times. [...] This lack is always with him, and it is caused by a particular shallow area in his personality that is not developed.

You must realize that expression and not repression is the natural complement of creative abilities, and that in freeing his body, in encouraging physical mobility, he also encourages and frees his inspiration, his psychic awareness, and creativity.

Now, to some extent, you and Ruburt felt enough the same way to make the analogy feasible, only Ruburt was the one who constructed the edifice that would protect his own abilities, first of all, and yours as well. [...] With such an edifice, Ruburt can only use his abilities under certain conditions, and he imagines all kinds of impulses, situations, or whatever, that might steal them away, or steal away the time necessary to express them. [...]

[...] Ruburt began to feel hopeless about his condition, more and more dissatisfied with it, yet no longer certain that he could dispense with it even if he made his mind up to do so. [...]

[...] It takes your time, and his now, to encourage his walking, and if this is in “working hours,” both of your old beliefs are directly challenged.

His own mother in this life had, and has, abilities. [...] There is a growing acceptance on the part of the whole personality now; as he sees these abilities help others, his students for example, he grows to trust them more.

[...] (Pause.) It is not his early complete acceptance of the Catholic Church that is a block here. It is his disillusionment with the church that followed. [...]

For himself he knows that he will continue, that his improvement is definite. Though the decision is his, I have never come when I was not wanted, nor would I.

He does not realize the full strength of his psychic acquiescence, you see, which is far superior to his egotistical half-denials.

The immobility protected him, so he thought, from encountering any such outside conflicts, and insured his continuing creativity by cutting down other interests and distractions, and by organizing his time in a most economical fashion—or so it seemed. [...] The nuances, which are important, appear in many groups of sessions, given in the past, and also include his reaction to attitudes of your own, which to some extent helped form and solidify his own ideas in those regards. [...]

[...] To some extent he doubted his own vision—see the connection with his eye difficulty. Despite this he went on with some considerable courage, determination and vigor in my book and his own to encounter the nitty-gritty, so to speak, to bring out the issues clearly to himself and to the world. [...]

Realizing that, he made considerable efforts to change his attitudes and beliefs. [...] He does not feel that he is involved alone, as he did before: the fanatics, for example, are everywhere—quite visible, and if they might find his work offensive, he is hardly alone. [...] This means that he has been encountering his own beliefs, arguing with them—changing them at very elemental levels. [...]

(Long pause at 9:49.) In a way, the external politics of the situation within your country is helping Ruburt to understand his own position far better than he did earlier. [...] There were always two faces to his endeavors—the private search for understanding, and the public expression as a writer. [...]