“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He was afraid shortly before our sessions began that you had largely lost your love for him, and he began frantically to initiate methods of insuring it. The sessions were on the one hand a gift to you, by which means your health could be restored. He felt your physical withdrawal strongly during your illness previously, felt on several occasions physically attracted to other men, and became terrified. Walt did not want him physically, but he did not love Walt. He feared you were turning away from him in those terms. He was frightened that his sexual appetite would attract him to others and betray him, so he closed the door on it as best he could.

On one level then the sessions were an attempt to retain your love and give him a right to it. Hence his later feelings that you loved him only for the sessions carried a certain charge. Now this is one of the most important sessions you have been given on your own affairs. I suggest a break. He would quite literally do anything to retain your love—hence his feelings sometimes that you sent him out on this psychic pilgrimage. This feeling however, having its roots in “lack of rights” and his alliance with you, also provides him with the unity upon which his life is based: the poetry, the psychic work, and yourself. A trio, you see.

He felt, as a child now, that he had no rights. Nothing was his by rights. Anything could be taken from him at any time. While he lived in one house, still the home itself was always in jeopardy. His mother frequently told him that she would keep him only if he was good, that only Marie’s good graces kept the child from going to an asylum. The mother’s affections were not the child’s by right, but dependent upon how well the child cared or performed.

Your going to the store for him without asking proves that you love him. He would never ask you to do anything for him, for he felt he had no right to do so, or to your love. He needed a strong excuse therefore in order to ask you to do anything. One excuse was that he could not do it himself.

[...] His psychic experience brought him into contact with much of the stupidity of mankind. The superstitions, horrendous beliefs and so forth, came to him through letters, and through the reading he began after his initial experience. These convinced him that utmost caution must be used as he advanced.

[...] They kept him writing, cut out distractions while he was learning. They also kept him from what he considered spiritual betrayals: he would not be a television personality, using his great powers of persuasion, until he knew what he was persuading people to do. [...]

You, while being of great help, could not subjectively follow him, or lead him into out-of-body activity, and so he felt he had only himself to rely upon. [...]

[...] Since he is spontaneous, to him that meant appearing instead always calm, reasonable. On an inner level it meant, however, progressing slowly—probing the abilities, learning his way, while having a constant touch with the body, unpleasant or not, that would keep him physically oriented.

He is deeply ashamed to have you see him go down stairs, because he fears your disapproval. He is afraid you will see him as he is, then, and wash your hands of such imperfection. For you to offer to help him would be of great benefit on the stairs when no one is around.

[...] If at the same time you seemed overly critical—to him, now—of a manuscript, say, or his missing sessions, then it seemed approval was denied him from the one person whose integrity he trusted.

This has its roots with the Lincoln—you follow me—and later when you did not offer to pick him up at nursery school, and told him in the same situation you would have too much pride to accept a ride.

[...] You lit cigarettes for him, particularly when you were in public, but you did not open the car door unless he asked you, or reminded you when that hurt or humiliated him.

[...] I refused to let him in. [...] I told him she couldn’t help him, that we didn’t have the time. [...] He left, and Jane still had the impulse to have me call him back in another effort to help him. [...]

[...] The threats convince him, again, that he must be important and valuable. [...] The threats then convince him of his value. [...] The situation also allows him to use his creative abilities in terms of fantasy and imagination. [...] His dilemma makes him important.

When the entire affair really frightens him, he will look for another solution, and it is too bad your institutions of therapy do not help. Guided imagery could help him, for example, but he would need supervision. Ruburt was quite right in the method he used in speaking to him, and my presence would not have served. [...] The creative challenge is there for him, and it is one he chose himself.

[...] She slept fitfully, thinking of him often when she woke up. She talked about him today. [...] He’d talked about going north, or heading back to San Francisco, where he’d seen helicopters changing their courses in the sky to fly directly at him.

(10:10.) The ESP book put him on record. The people that write to him as the result of his books often bothered him deeply, for he thinks that they look to him as you would to a prophet. [...]

[...] Before the material was public this bothered him, but not to that degree. It worried him when people seem to turn to the material in the same way that they might turn to a church, merely substituting one set of ideas for another, while never experiencing the concepts themselves.

[...] But Ruburt insists that he intellectually and intuitively understand each point, and agree with it, or it puts him in the position of publicizing ideas when he is not a hundred percent certain of their validity, and he considers this to some degree dishonest. If he is wrong and people follow him, where is he leading them?

[...] The three Christs material particularly affects him that way, for to deny the conventional idea of Christ is to antagonize not merely Catholicism but basic Christian belief. The same material presented fictionally would not bother him at all. [...]

[...] There is no way out of it except for him to allow himself the freedom of his being. When he thinks he might try an out-of-body at a nap, have him tell you, and call him at a certain time. Assure him that you will not only approve his spontaneity in all areas, but also check his activities and monitor them. [...]

You believed in them so strongly that he felt he must himself exert those disciplinary tendencies that you earlier displayed for him. [...] I could have helped him further, but I was part of the picture.

[...] He feels that he is supposed to be an authority, telling people to go ahead, and so fear should be beneath him. They are beneath him, such fears, but unvoiced they become impediments. [...]

[...] This, he felt, relieved him of that “responsibility.”

[...] I have told you something about this other portion of yourself so that you will be able to relate to him and see how your interests merge. Think of him when you are thinking of the room and the passageway and ask that you meet him there.

[...] You should be able to see him rather clearly. In his reality he is embarking upon a series of experiments that will lead him to you, if he proceeds properly.

The drugs not only help him but they also have the effect of emphasizing his presence on his journeys, of concentrating his essence, isolating and focusing those portions of his psyche. Therefore they will help make him more observable in sense terms to you.

You must be looking for him however. [...] He has no idea however that you might be told of his visits, or that you might be planning to meet him. [...]

It was the only thing that set him apart under welfare conditions, the mark of distinction that got him to college by the skin of his teeth, and it was, he felt, what made you love him. Therefore if you had criticisms about his work, if you did not like it, you would not love him.

In the initial stages of Ruburt’s withdrawals, the exaggerated chatter also served to fool him, you see, as well as others. [...] (Bill Gallagher.) They frightened him and were at least somewhat responsible in helping shake him loose. [...]

[...] As a child it terrified him and made him feel inadequate. [...] He is afraid to ask for help because he was ashamed that his mother had to ask him, a child, for help, and often he hated her for doing so.

Ruburt’s deep love for you shocked him out of that pattern for some time, but he also idealized you to such an extent that some difficulties were bound to arise. [...] He was so afraid to voice protest himself that he felt you must be driven by great inner forces before you would dare voice any protest to him.

Her heavily applied, overly feminine characteristics, were donned by her to hold him in the early years. [...] She pretended to be dominated by him, but both of them knew. [...] She gave him sons hoping to pacify him, but he always felt that the sons challenged his vitality and position.

[...] Her energy made him keep up appearances. Her vitality fed him, but it could not rouse him. Now he in his helplessness pays her back, and she rages against him. [...]

The father, your father, represents to him, Ruburt, the helpless portions of his own mother, directed so to speak where he can see them. Your mother represents to him the destructive, unreasoning energies of his own mother, and in the pull and conflict between your mother and father, he sees the tortured connections of his mother’s soul.

[...] Your mother is not out to kill him personally. His mother was not out to kill him personally. [...]

He was ashamed of needing you to do this for him initially, yet realized your support was necessary at that point. The problem was to help him reestablish his own initiative in that regard. In the same way, if he could count on you in the exercises for a while, this would relieve him of the fear that the project, begun unsuccessfully in the past, and not continued, would follow the same pattern. I do not suggest more than 20 minutes for him in the beginning however.

You remind him not to project negatively into the future. [...] Again, as mentioned, you helped him the other night, bringing him into the moment constructively, and this is what is needed. [...]

[...] If (doubly underline) you can manage, it would be good for you to oversee Ruburt’s exercises—or perhaps even do some with him; again, to add to the sense of excitement and support. When he counted upon you finally to help him get up in the morning, this automatically relieved him of the responsibility for enough time so that the negative charges connected could subside, and a new habit began to show itself.

As he is feeding himself now, have him think of his thoughts as nourishment, so that he feeds himself constructive nourishing thoughts. [...] This will automatically allow him to gain weight faster, for much of the energy taken in goes out through these worries.

You have not been able to ignore him since he had his symptoms. You might be angry at him, in which case there was a definite emotional response, or disgusted; he thought in the past, the dim past, disgusted enough to leave him—but you could not ignore him.

The symptoms were also meant to frighten Ruburt, to shock him, to shake him up, and then hopefully do him some good, as he saw how it was to have someone around all the time who did not feel very well.

[...] Programs, his weekly programs for example, are often a benefit to him, if they are not too extensive, because they give him a short-range challenge which he enjoys.

[...] The physical signs of improvement have been most beneficial to him, forcing him to recognize that betterment is not only possible but has occurred.

He felt that for all your talk you wanted him to discipline spontaneity in a way basically impossible for him, that to release it in physical terms would mean two dangers: You would find him unbearable; and his sexuality released, would then demand fulfillment. [...]

[...] Blame was projected by him upon other areas, because only when he allowed his thoughts to really surface would he blame you in any way. And when he did he felt guilty because he knew that you did (underlined) love him.

You were the one who could really hurt him if he let go, by your rejection of his emotional dimensions, he felt. He felt you only accepted certain portions of him. [...]

[...] Your love for him in the beginning was strong enough to release you to some degree, so he knew it was in you. [...]

I want him to come over here (to the living room), make his coffee or whatever, be alone with himself and follow his impulses—to write or whatever, and to recall his dream experiences. You must let him know that you do trust him and his spontaneity, because before, no matter what you said, he knew that to some degree you wanted brakes applied.

[...] Let him know therefore that you do trust him to go ahead spontaneously, regardless of where that might lead, knowing it will be beneficial and creative. The recommendations I gave to him should also be followed despite, and precisely because of any physical resistance. [...]

Even in his poetry, before our work, it always led him at certain times way beyond “himself.” He tried to hold himself down because, he felt, that the energy was so strong that allowed freedom in almost any direction, it would bring him in conflict with the mores and ways of other people.

He has been afraid to use his abilities freely, and therefore set up physical conditions that remind him constantly of his body and objective physical life, for fear that he will go too far beyond it. He uses the radio often as physical noise to bring him back and serve as a guideline in altered states of consciousness.

[...] I had instant visions of him wandering away, not really meaning to, but perhaps getting lost—and wearing my best coat. [...] “I had to go to the bathroom,” he said, tightening the coat around him. [...] I told him I’d called the police, and he nodded. [...] I told him I knew that. [...]

[...] I kept wondering if he had some money and change (at least) stowed in one of the suitcases, but he swore—Seth swore for him—that he did not, and finally I believed him. I also believed him when he finally sat down in the driveway and said he was prepared to die in the cold. [...] “Maybe the police will just let him go and he’ll come back.” [...]

Fred Conyers stayed on my mind through the rest of the day, after I’d waved to him as the policeman backed out of the driveway and headed down the hill. [...] Even in his drastic situation, I thought at the time, our society in some fashion had a way to take care of him, hopefully. But would society—could it—transport him all the way home to Denver, were he telling the truth about his origins? [...]

[...] Too bad she missed him, for as I told her, he’d make beautiful subject matter for a chapter, by inference. [...] At no time did I feel fear, but at the same time I didn’t want him in the house, where problems might develop getting him out.... [...]

I am not going to tell him where Aspects will lead. I do not want to spoil the fun for him. I do want him to know that he is on the road to something, and that it will help him understand me far better.

The concentration away from the self is the most important point I can give him now. [...] Have him read this; and I expect him to follow these suggestions as well as you followed the information I gave you. [...]

Ask him to take this for granted, to accept my statement as true. The methods given this evening will allow him to act and perform with far greater ease and effectiveness, therefore. [...]

[...] Encourage him in physical activities. [...]

These activities also open up nerve sources and make more energy available to him, because he is not using so much energy in blockages. [...] Tell him tomorrow morning I expect him to begin writing his book. [...]

[...] When you see him checking an impulse to move, and it is often obvious to you, then handle it in this way. Simply remind him that it is natural for his body to move. That is, do not be critical, but firmly encourage him. [...]

[...] Reading this will remind him of that; but again here, when he is about to open something, or to grasp it, I want him to try to feel the impulse to do so, and then go along with it.

This material should be placed with the other recent sessions for him, on the top. I am keeping up with his progress, and these hints for him are uniquely tailored for his present development. [...]

[...] Because you are not in his position you are presently able to help him when he falters, to help him help himself. And you help—consistently—in a consistent program itself assures him that you do want him to be himself.

[...] You make an effort to tell him he looks well on occasion, but stroking his body tells him you love it—frowning at him does not.

Lately he was convinced that he was unattractive to you from the face down, that you considered him stupid, as he did, while having physical difficulty; that you were a perfectionist and did not want to see crooked legs—that physically, not mentally, he got in your way, and that physically you did not look upon him with approval, as he did not.

To him it was a direct action taken against something that annoyed him—the dust—an act of independence since he did it, and a symbolic clearing away of inner debris. [...]

Ruburt identified with him being closed up and running scared. He was afraid of the cat, considering him wild and caged originally, as his mother had been in his interpretation, so he felt forced to help the cat (who did not have any love for him), as he felt before he had to help his mother—who would kill him if she had the chance.

[...] Remind him of the ways he has used his body well, and help him change his beliefs about it. [...]

[...] (Very important.) Rooney however is free of a distrust that he had carried with him, having to do with his background in that house, this time, across the way, and was grateful for those additional years you gave him.

[...] Some ideas he has from William James (Varieties of Religious Experience), the seemingly disconnected realizations about his body, dreams and dialogues, will altogether help him.

Contradictory feelings can also be expressed through the body, tell him. Remind him. Tell him also to shake his arms downward from both the elbow and the shoulder, and in a playful manner, as if he were a rag doll perhaps. [...]

[...] The spontaneous attitude of a joyful endeavor will release him here. [...] Tell him that his dream book will start itself if he leaves himself alone. [...]

I will have more to say for him to read, but I suggest a short break. [...]

[...] Tell him to leave his body alone with his conscious mind in the same way that he leaves a poem alone with his conscious mind when it is forming— to think of his body as a poem. [...]

The neighborhood squabbles there remind him of Middle Avenue. He feels as if his mother is getting your mother to do her dirty work for her, and when your mother said to him “You are a phony,” it was also his own mother for the thousandth time putting him down.

When you were quiet at times, this reminded him of your father’s uncommunicative manner, and frightened him. If he reacted emotionally, this frightened him, because he was afraid you would interpret it as your mother’s reaction. [...]

Walt turned him over to you only too gladly. He is afraid that if you launch him into success you may then leave him, wanting none of it.

[...] Convince him, and let him convince himself, that it is safe for him to go ahead.