“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

[...] Ruburt is more relieved than he realizes, because he realizes that the book meets with Aerofranz’s (Tam Mossman’s) approval; but more, because he knows he has done a good job. He was not sure until lately. [...]

[...] He is now aware for the first time clearly, of certain areas of rigidity, and realizes the fear behind them. Some of this is simply that he is afraid of pain if a muscle is suddenly let go. He knows this, but with your encouragement, active but playful, you can accomplish very much here. The body is quite ready to comply now, and he is mentally ready. [...]

It was extremely important to him that he relate this whole experience to others, and make a good beginning in transmitting the material. His nature is such that the experience had to be given outward to others, and he knew that in order to do this he had to come to terms with it himself. [...]

[...] He had begun to do this, but your encouragement means much to him along this line, as he still looks to see whether you approve or disapprove. In any given case let him for example know if you disagree with what he is saying, while still encouraging him to say it. [...]

(10:35.) Such dreams on Ruburt’s part bring one vital message: that he can walk normally, and that this can be easily (underlined) brought about. In some of the dreams he is surprised that he can perform so well. In others he takes it for granted, as in your (Boy Scout) dream. [...] In the waking state Ruburt believes that he cannot walk properly. In the dream state he holds no such beliefs. [...]

(Long pause.) Now he wanted to hold such beliefs because he felt he needed that quite painful facade to protect himself from his own spontaneity, and then to protect himself against the world because he felt he was too spontaneous. [...] He responds telepathically to your dreams.

[...] He digs into it, this present one, concentrates. Forgets how much he loves to paint, and considers all the problems involved in a new technique. And considers how he can never be as good as you in that regard. He uses effort. He forgets his ease, and the same thing applies to “trying to get better.”

[...] He is trying to free himself. To do so he must change his own reality, alter his feeling of relationship with himself, and between himself and others. His physical situation—the symptoms—are public to the extent that others know he has difficulties. [...]

[...] He must show that he produces so much work in a given number of hours, so that others will know that he is diligent and filled with the good male attributes of a provider. He is very concerned about the opinions of others, and he wants to see the effect of his work upon the establishments of the world. He wants to know where he stands, and he wants to fit a neat category, so that he can say to the world: “If you are a shoemaker, I am something as definite; or if you are a professor, I am a writer or an artist, or a —?” He wants his contemplation to pay off, and he is very anxious about where his money goes.

Basically, he cares not a jot for time as it is generally understood. He does not care for position or power. He only asks to be left alone in his contemplations, and to express these in whatever manner suits his nature. Actually, he is free of sex roles, and refuses stereotypes of any kind. He views cultural and educational establishments with a clear questioning eye. He cares not a jot for position or for money, but only for the freedom. He wants to study the world and nature, and the nature of men and ideas, and to search from that vantage point for some greater order, and some greater context in which life must reside.

[...] He wants to spend his days in contemplation. He wants the freedom necessary to ask whatever philosophical questions come into his mind.

[...] It was as if he were laid off, and immediately had to find a new job. That man approves of creative projects only when he thinks of them as jobs, when they become acceptable as legitimate male pursuits. [...]

He must avoid a do-or-die attitude. He does best when he allows his mind to wander, and not when he hems it in. In his psychological time experiments lately, he has concentrated with his will, though he did not realize he was doing so. [...]

There will be a period of relaxation following the completion of his book, and during this time there will be a release of psychic energy that he will use most beneficially. He forgets to open up when he becomes overly concerned about his abilities. However, in the dream state he has been teaching himself to achieve greater freedom, and the results will show.

[...] He tries too hard with his own tests. When he forgets to try he does very well.

[...] He must remember however in his psychological time experiments that to focus outward, within and through the universe, is to expand and focus inward simultaneously. He must seek the expansion before he seeks the results or effects of the expansion.

They represented parts of his own psyche, still, at that level of consciousness, not having quite assimilated the greater knowledge or experience, so he felt he needed protection—the protection that would beautifully, cleverly and insidiously serve all of his purposes, allowing him to go ahead as he wanted to, but with control drawn back to the body’s discontent. The discontent would still keep him at home working, and yet also serve as a control against too much inner spontaneity until he learned that he could indeed trust the new world of experience.

[...] Indeed, though he dislikes the word, he is finishing the first portion of his apprenticeship, in which he became acquainted with a different kind of reality, and had to learn how to equate it with the “normal one.”

[...] Pleas for help were seen as demands—not as opportunities to use abilities, so he felt hounded. He was not sure enough of his new world, still enough a part of the old one so that he saw his life and abilities often through the eyes of the “old world inhabitants”—the others who might scorn him, or set him up for ridicule.

Ruburt’s science kit is something picked up, in your terms, from another probability, in which he has learned all there is to learn about science as you know it. That is why he can enter into the reality of electrons so easily. [...]

He responds to the totality of stimuli that reaches him, regardless of the way in which any given stimuli is received. Quite adequate protection here can be given if he gives the daily suggestion that he will only react to constructive suggestions.

[...] He reacts to it as he reacts to other information. [...] The affair with Muriel was known to him, though again he is not consciously convinced. [...]

He will automatically react to such information whether or not he consciously admits that he receives it. [...]

[...] As he grew older he thought of the ego as a balancing agent against an inner spontaneous self that always, it seemed, got him into trouble. [...]

He had been fighting his own intuitional knowledge. This is one of the main reasons that he did not publish a meaningful book earlier. He had the ability, very strong creative energies, but he did not have the idea or principle to unite him as a personality and focus his energies. [...]

[...] He reported that his wife seemed better, that he himself understood more now, and that he had some unasked questions for Seth.)

[...] He has become nervous because of the import of this session, but this will quickly pass. He will be quite as acquainted with me as he wishes, before we are done, and there may be indications before our next session. [...]

[...] He may or may not have been present, but he was the cause of the argument.

[...] Originally he set a rather massive assault upon his physical system, that did involve among other things, infection. Literally he was infected by negative ideas. As he rids himself of these he rids himself of infections. [...]

It makes no difference whether or not he does. [...] (Long pause.) I do not suggest that he has any work done at this time. If he wants to learn the nature of his X-rays he can call. [...]

He has more time for such experiments now than he did when he was younger. [...]

[...] He is actually between various probable systems, in which however each of you have an interest. [...] Perhaps I should mention that in your terms (underlined) he is an older man.

[...] When man “awakened” in his physical body, however, and specialized in the use of its senses, he no longer perceived the released dream body of the slain animal running away, still cavorting on the hillside. He retained memory of his earlier knowledge, and for a considerable period he could now and then recapture that knowledge. He became more and more aware of his physical senses, however: Some things were definitely pleasant and some were not. Some stimuli were to be sought out, and others avoided, and so over a period of time he translated the pleasant and the unpleasant into rough versions of good and evil.

[...] He becomes fully operational in his physical body, and while awake can only sense the dream body that had earlier been so real to him. He now encounters his experience from within a body that must be fed, clothed, protected from the elements—a body that is subject to gravity and to earth’s laws. He must use physical muscles to walk from place to place. He sees himself suddenly, in a leap of comprehension, as existing for the first time not only apart from the environment, but apart from all of earth’s other creatures.

(9:35.) But if man felt suddenly alone and isolated, he was immediately struck by the grand variety of the world and its creatures. [...] He was enchanted also by his own subjective reality, the body in which he found himself, and by the differences between himself and others like him, and the other creatures. He instantly began to explore (pause), to categorize, to point out and to name the other creatures of the earth as they came to his attention.

[...] He was gifted with strong clear instincts that were meant to lead him toward his own greatest development, to his own greatest fulfillment, in such a way that he also helped to bring about the highest potentials of all of the other species of consciousness (intently). His natural impulses were meant to provide inner directives that would guide him in just such a direction, so that he sought what was the best for himself and for others.

(Long pause at 9:58.) When he wrote the letters to his mother they were censored. The nuns told him that he must say he was happy, whether or not he was. By the time he returned home he was quite rigid and moralistic. On the other hand, for the time being he had a very secure belief system against which for quite a full number of years he could test his own mental, emotional and spiritual vigor. [...]

(Long pause at 9:56.) He spent a good deal of time on his knees, then, doing penance when he did not fit into that structure. If he looked into a mirror and was caught at it, he was then caught in the sin of pride. When he wet the bed in the fourth grade night after night, the act was characterized as dirty. [...]

[...] In the meantime Ruburt felt—because of those beliefs—to some extent now, I am simplifying —that he could not do enough, produce enough, help himself or others enough, that he could not satisfy you enough in many areas, because he felt he was so flawed to begin with, therefore he did not deserve love, and would have to work for it, or plead for it. [...]

He was made to feel often that he was at least strongly responsible for his mother’s illness. [...]

[...] At his preference and demand, he changed from a public to a Catholic school after the third grade.⁴ This was against his mother’s judgment. [...] Ruburt, at that age — when he changed at the third grade — had quite a will then, in that he forced his mother to acquiesce to the change of schools. He put up such a fuss, Ruburt, and held such temper tantrums, that permission was given. He was stubborn even then.

(10:19.) Without this experience of following such a belief in the church so fervently, however, he would not understand the need of people for such beliefs, or be able to reach them as well as he does. His questioning mind was exercised originally as he began to examine religious beliefs. He was afraid that psychic experience, when he encountered it much later, might lead to a new dogma, and was determined not to use it in such a way.

(Intently:) Ruburt here chose the writing structure, and has stuck to it as unswervingly as he once stuck to the church, yet always seeking a new framework. For a while he idealized you. [...] When it became apparent that you were also human, and not a framework, he became frightened. When you encouraged the emergence and expression of his mysticism, then you could no longer act, he felt, as a framework to contain it. [...] He knew intuitively that you also used artistic creation as a buffer between yourself and mystical expression.

[...] He leaps from where he knows other people are into new areas. He combats the dogma of spiritualism as much as he did the dogma of the church.

[...] He chose it, because it did indeed provide a framework that would make questioning prominent. He began in his own way to form his own theory concerning the nature of God and reality at a young age. He expressed these theories and feelings through poetry, which was itself an unconventional activity.

Then he feels that he is in at best an ambiguous position, for the world continues doing as it will, and his correspondents, solving one problem, immediately write with another. [...] Those fears are then not admitted, for he thinks that they must indeed be beneath a person whose entire life work is devoted to a search for the nature of reality, and therefore a person who must possess, or try to possess, the answers to all of the questions.

Television becomes a threat because he feels he is being asked to prove the unprovable, and yet since this is his life’s work he feels responsible to do so.

[...] Remember, when Ruburt wrote short stories he slanted them for the market. The woman could not win out in tales for Playboy, so when Ruburt thinks in that fashion about work, he thinks he is not only not slanting his material for the market, but often telling people precisely what they may not want to hear at all—hence this would arouse worries about the sale of the books.

[...] Because “he” is two-dimensional “he” sees dimensions in his plane, as we three-dimensional beings can see in our three dimensions. He cannot see up or down, as we cannot see (or even imagine) our fourth dimension. He would, however, be able to see other beings at his same level in nearby stacks. [...]

5. Since he cannot see up or down (as we cannot see the fourth dimension) he is not aware that his “future” is already there and that his “past” still exists. His third dimension is time but he cannot see it. [...]

6. If this two-dimensional being, through psychic ability were able to project himself into other levels of his existence (the stack) he could see his “future” and that of other beings in nearby stacks. He would, indeed, be a prophet. [...]

[...] Bill said he could not remember his dream. He did confirm however, the presence of a green and white boat that was anchored out in the bay, and in view from the front room of Larry O’Toole’s cottage. It was, he said, perhaps a fifteen-foot cabin-type speedboat, and might have had something in it; on this point Bill was not sure. [...] He also remembered a green rowboat that was anchored out in front of the house. Bill then suggested that he write to Larry O’Toole for confirmation, since as far as he knew O’Toole should still be in Provincetown. [...]

(Bill said that he still could not recall the rowboat with the symbol on it at the Provincetown dock, although he readily agreed that he could have seen it and forgotten it. He explained that due to the construction of the wharf one saw just to the left as he looked out the front room in question, that it would be quite difficult to see as small an object as a rowboat tied up there; the wharf is quite high, and due to the slant of the beach a small low object like a rowboat would be hard to see.

(Bill did say he remembered another kind of boat there, some kind of barge and derrick craft. I asked him if he had any friends who might still be there, that he could write to for verification.

[...] The twinges that he feels are indeed warnings, or nudges rather, from his own subconscious mind, that he do this and thus bring the plans for it into actual reality.

He suspended his periods. He is neither pregnant nor beginning the menopause. This was a biological activity he felt he could safely suspend, and in doing so avoid further conflict, the conflict caused by enjoyment in sex, when he did not feel worthy of being loved.

The old neighborhood has enclosed him, and he must now truly escape its limitations while using the psychic potential of his experience as an integrating power. (Pace slower yet.) It is also responsible you see for the remarkable potential that he has. He does not feel free to use his full energy until all portions of the personality are convinced of the goodness of his purpose. [...]

In Catholic terms he consecrated himself to God as a child daily. He has done so again but without admitting the fact. [...]

I will myself attempt to communicate with Father Ryan, who is now much less rigid than he was, and this may help. He can himself communicate to Ruburt through his dreams, and clear up many confused issues. [...]

[...] Ruburt felt he could not go out again until he could do so without embarrassing himself or you, and until he walked normally. If he walked all-right-enough in the house, however, then the time would come for another dentist visit or whatever. And he would have to go—so he would not walk that well in the house either—hence the table.

He was hurt and angry, but instead of thinking “I will walk all right, and be impatient with you sometime.” he decided he would not be humiliated again, for he could no longer “pass” as normal.

You do not spend time worrying about what is going to happen to Ruburt’s condition—meaning, how much worse he might get, either of you. Ruburt appreciates the motion that he has, and starts from there, and that motion will be increased. He concentrates upon what he can do, and enjoys it—and that will bring about beneficial projections.

[...] He could have said, “Had it, shit,” but he did not. [...] He was in people’s way. [...]

[...] Then he became aware that those particular thoughts were intrusive, completely out of context with his immediately previous ones, for only a moment or so earlier he had been congratulating himself precisely because he had made no plans for the day or evening at all … about fifteen minutes later he found the same ideas returning, this time more insistently.

[...] He was the one I described in The God of Jane who felt himself to be a woman trapped in a man’s body. He has some suicidal tendencies, and I’ve worried about that. But here he was, all grins this time … alive and several pounds more substantial.

[...] Surely they all applied to Ed’s letter in which he mentioned his Alaskan ski trip, and friends he had when he and Rob did the detective comic strip.

*Anyhow — after 20 years we heard from him in 1978 — from Alaska — skiing from Alaska Back Country — he mentions Alaska skiing today. When we knew Ed Robinson — over 20 years ago — he was doing Mike Hammer comic strip for Micky Spillane. Rob joined him and that’s what he was doing when I met him (Rob).

He of course reacted to the annoyance on your part. The tests from this standpoint were highly explosive, for he did not understand the situation, and found himself in a position highly ambiguous. You were encouraging him to even further spontaneity on the one hand, to intuitional freedom, and yet to his point of view requiring him to exert all kinds of discipline, which he felt was your role—to follow the intuitions so far, know when to stop at the proper target, and it was here that he first deeply felt you as a taskmaster.

[...] When you encouraged the sessions in the beginning so strongly, he was taken back for to him you were not fulfilling the implied role. When you urged him onward then he felt that he might be on dangerous ground, for you had been counted upon in the personal area to stop spontaneity, emotionally and sexually.

He mistrusted your permissiveness then. [...] So he began to build up restrictive tendencies of his own. [...] He had handled the other end.

The early remarks by the young psychologist had thoroughly frightened him, and he was not ready to go into the deeper implications. He was quite simply terrified. He felt also then that you would give or withhold physical love according to his performance on the tests. [...]

It is true that his beliefs are also responsible for the fact that he can experience such alterations to begin with. While his beliefs are partially responsible for his astonishing facility, once in various altered states he is in a kind of free-wheeling situation as far as physical reality is concerned. He is in it but not directly focused there.

[...] When Ruburt utilizes other focuses and turns his consciousness in other than directly-physical areas, when he turns several angles away, then to some extent (underlined) he frees himself to some degree from beliefs, but certainly from their effects. [...]

As he knows, he switches on an easy gear. [...]

[...] It would help if at those levels he imagined his body as plastoid, always in a state of change, as fluid as his thoughts, and not so much a physical thing. He often thinks of it as a thing to be moved, when it is instead an ever-changing, fleshy materialization of motion.

[...] He takes it for granted as he does the air that he breathes. He can appreciate his health as he can appreciate the air, without feeling that either is going to be taken from him. He is not concerned with his health because he takes it on trust unthinkingly, as he takes his life on trust.

In his “as if” game, have Ruburt imagine he is having his period, buying his Tampax. This is all he need do—not hammer the point. [...] He feels more now that you accept him as a woman. For a while he felt you did not.

[...] He takes it for granted he has it and will achieve more. The poor man takes his poverty for granted, actually on trust, and takes it for granted he will have more of the same.

In the past he often used the image of himself, in his terms “before I got sick,” as a basis of comparison. Worse, he sometimes used the twenty-year-old physical self, which automatically led to some very negative attitudes, since he simply is not twenty.