“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I had many questions after the call, of course. I felt sad for Jane and what was happening to both of us. I also felt angry at the role she’s chosen, even while I thought I understood it, basically. When Jeff called I was reading the last portion of the first session in Jane’s book, The Individual and the Nature of Mass Events — for April 18, 1977, in connection with a note I’m doing for Dreams. The passages are on death and suicide — natural death, no less, and how we continually interfere medically with people’s chosen time of death. Hardly a coincidence, I realized.

(I was also angry that Jane hadn’t allowed anything to come through in sessions about herself for some time. I think this means that her sinful self, or whatever, has once again clamped down. It doesn’t want her to recover. The great question, then, is why those portions of the self would — and do — continue their terribly destructive ways, even to the point of bringing about their own death — for if allowed to, I think, death would be the end result, the final step along their chosen path.

(The afternoon passed without Jane having a session. She’d cried several times as we talked — mourning most of all, I thought, that she would probably never get home again, see the house and grounds, and so on. I felt like crying myself, for I felt that she was right. She said she was too upset to have a session. I said I wanted stuff on her, not the book. She said she’d been having the longer sessions to get information she could use on herself — that each day she tried to put it to use. News to me. I said maybe she’d been trying too hard. By 4:25 she still hadn’t had a session, and I didn’t think she would.

(During our talk I’d cited a long list of things that in my view Jane has given up over the years, at the never-satisfied behest of portions of the personality that were now in complete control. It’s all gone now except for her lying in bed, and she can’t even do that in peace these days. She’d even given up all reading, even with the new glasses we so eagerly sought from Jim Baker. The supporting easel I’d made for her to use in reading, sits in the closet of 330. Jane used it just once. She said she doesn’t use it or do any reading because of the longer sessions.

(There’s no use going to all the work to present a detailed summary of the complicated series of events that have transpired since June 28. Jane is still very ill. I was surprised when she said she’d try to have a session today. At times her voice was so weak I had to ask her to repeat phrases or words.

End of session.