“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I had many questions after the call, of course. I felt sad for Jane and what was happening to both of us. I also felt angry at the role she’s chosen, even while I thought I understood it, basically. When Jeff called I was reading the last portion of the first session in Jane’s book, The Individual and the Nature of Mass Events — for April 18, 1977, in connection with a note I’m doing for Dreams. The passages are on death and suicide — natural death, no less, and how we continually interfere medically with people’s chosen time of death. Hardly a coincidence, I realized.

(Yesterday I’d told Jane that I knew her “body was up to something.” But what? I said that I hoped it wasn’t another case of her improving while getting worse — which I used to rant about in years past. We had a long talk. I said I wanted information on whether she wanted to live or die — or whether she was trying to die her own natural death, in line with that excellent information in Mass Events. I wanted to know what her sinful self thought about what it was doing to her body, if it cared, if it even understood that it’s protective actions threatened its own existence. Or was her death the ultimate goal of the sinful self? I said the situation must be a common one. I felt I was onto something here, but wasn’t quite sure what — something close to the more basic human condition that is little understood. I told Jane it would be a joke if those portions of the self we’re blaming for her condition, really are the truest, most simple and honest portions after all, and that their roles in bringing about her natural death were being subverted by our conscious-mind meddling and interference. Just where is the “truth”? I asked.

(The afternoon passed without Jane having a session. She’d cried several times as we talked — mourning most of all, I thought, that she would probably never get home again, see the house and grounds, and so on. I felt like crying myself, for I felt that she was right. She said she was too upset to have a session. I said I wanted stuff on her, not the book. She said she’d been having the longer sessions to get information she could use on herself — that each day she tried to put it to use. News to me. I said maybe she’d been trying too hard. By 4:25 she still hadn’t had a session, and I didn’t think she would.