“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I’ve also thought for some time that there might be clues to Jane’s seeming dilemmas in reincarnation — which Seth hasn’t gone into at all. This is not permitted.

(Yesterday I’d told Jane that I knew her “body was up to something.” But what? I said that I hoped it wasn’t another case of her improving while getting worse — which I used to rant about in years past. We had a long talk. I said I wanted information on whether she wanted to live or die — or whether she was trying to die her own natural death, in line with that excellent information in Mass Events. I wanted to know what her sinful self thought about what it was doing to her body, if it cared, if it even understood that it’s protective actions threatened its own existence. Or was her death the ultimate goal of the sinful self? I said the situation must be a common one. I felt I was onto something here, but wasn’t quite sure what — something close to the more basic human condition that is little understood. I told Jane it would be a joke if those portions of the self we’re blaming for her condition, really are the truest, most simple and honest portions after all, and that their roles in bringing about her natural death were being subverted by our conscious-mind meddling and interference. Just where is the “truth”? I asked.

(The afternoon passed without Jane having a session. She’d cried several times as we talked — mourning most of all, I thought, that she would probably never get home again, see the house and grounds, and so on. I felt like crying myself, for I felt that she was right. She said she was too upset to have a session. I said I wanted stuff on her, not the book. She said she’d been having the longer sessions to get information she could use on herself — that each day she tried to put it to use. News to me. I said maybe she’d been trying too hard. By 4:25 she still hadn’t had a session, and I didn’t think she would.

(We also discussed Jane’s fears that she’d done all she could in this life, and thus was ready to bow out of physical existence. I told her that if she wanted to leave I couldn’t, and wouldn’t try to hold her back, and that I’d never have her hooked up to survival equipment. I wouldn’t want that done to me, either. And all the time we talked I couldn’t help but just miss, just fail to understand exactly why she was doing what she was doing. Nor have I forgotten Seth’s statement a few months ago that basically neither of us have done anything wrong.

(During our talk I’d cited a long list of things that in my view Jane has given up over the years, at the never-satisfied behest of portions of the personality that were now in complete control. It’s all gone now except for her lying in bed, and she can’t even do that in peace these days. She’d even given up all reading, even with the new glasses we so eagerly sought from Jim Baker. The supporting easel I’d made for her to use in reading, sits in the closet of 330. Jane used it just once. She said she doesn’t use it or do any reading because of the longer sessions.

(At the end of her outburst about reading, Jane ended up by saying something important — that her failure to read was another example of her doing something wrong — “And that’s what we’re talking about, isn’t it? All those things I’m doing wrong?” Too true. When I said I wouldn’t bug her any more about reading, she said I talked like a martyr. So how can one win in such a situation, when either way is rejected?

(There’s no use going to all the work to present a detailed summary of the complicated series of events that have transpired since June 28. Jane is still very ill. I was surprised when she said she’d try to have a session today. At times her voice was so weak I had to ask her to repeat phrases or words.