“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Rather than go into more detail here, I’ll move to the session, which Jane began quite a bit later. I was surprised that she said she’d have one: “I don’t know whether I can do this, Bob, or how far I’ll get, but I’m going to try …”

(“That can be the end of the book, you know. Or maybe I’ll do a little more,” Jane said. “Whatever happens, Bob, I’d like all of the material published someday, if it can be done. Not to put a burden on you. Maybe if you can’t do it, you can get some help.”

(“The whole thing,” Jane said. “I don’t know whether I’m going to live or die.” She spoke quite matter-of-factly. “Whatever I’m going to do, I’m going to do.”

(Jane said she treasured every day we’d been together throughout our marriage. I did too — and in those 30 years I don’t believe we’d been separated more than four or five days. I said I probably couldn’t publish all of the material by myself. Also that I’d probably not marry again. Jane said I could take up with Sue — although I doubt if Sue would care to do that.

(I said I wished we’d never left Sayre, and she agreed. Maybe things would have been different. She said, “No autopsy.” When I asked her if she wanted to be buried or cremated, she expressed no strong wish for either mode, but finally chose cremation — maybe because I said what would I do if I wanted to move out of town a few years after she’d been buried. She hadn’t thought of that. She said as far as she knew her grandfather and grandmother and others were buried in Saratoga, though we aren’t sure about her mother. Her father, Del, is buried somewhere in Florida, we guess — we don’t know where.

(Jane ate a little of several things for supper — about as she’s been doing the last few days. This is actually an improvement for her, for since around July 4 she hasn’t taken in any solid food with very few exceptions — and then only a crust, one might say. After watching her behavior as the month passed, I could see that she was indeed starving herself, and would die if she kept it up. She’s lost a great deal of weight; her arms look skeletal — so do her legs to a lesser degree.

(I’d like to add that while there’s life there’s hope, and that as Seth has said many times, one who doesn’t want to die — as Jane said the other day she didn’t — won’t for any reason. But I told Jane that I couldn’t ask her to do something she didn’t want to do. I added that I wouldn’t want to live under such conditions.